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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29990862">Symbiotic Relationship</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cooldinosaurs/pseuds/cooldinosaurs'>cooldinosaurs</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Anxiety, Established Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Eventual Romance, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Hurt Yamaguchi Tadashi, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Blood, Minor Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Minor Self Harm, Minor Sexual Assault, Protective Sawamura Daichi, Protective Sugawara Koushi, Protective Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, i love tadashi yamaguchi, vaguely canon compliant</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:34:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>25,659</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29990862</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cooldinosaurs/pseuds/cooldinosaurs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamaguchi Tadashi and Tsukishima Kei have been friends since they were kids. Surely the time would come that they would start dating, right? Well, fake dating at least. What starts off as a mutually beneficial arrangement between two best friends may turn into more than they bargained for.<br/>---------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>“What if you did have a boyfriend?” Kei said simply. Yamaguchi looked confused at this.</p><p>“I don’t. That’s the problem.”</p><p>Kei shook his head.</p><p>“What if you pretended to have a boyfriend?” Kei clarified, picking up his water and taking a drink, never breaking eye contact. Yamaguchi cocked his head to the side.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“If you have someone pretend to be your boyfriend, and he sees you with that person, he’ll probably leave you alone, right?” Kei said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, like any cretin could have come up with the same suggestion.</p><p>“I guess so.” Yamaguchi didn’t sound entirely convinced.</p><p>“I think I can help you.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>158</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>As an American I cannot pretend to have any knowledge about Japanese honorifics apart from the very limited knowledge I got on Google, so please forgive me if I use them incorrectly!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yamaguchi Tadashi sat at the back booth of a bar. It was his seat of choice, away from most of the noise and away from a good majority of the drunk idiots who were just there to go home with someone. He had come with people, but they were up and using the restroom or something. Tadashi hadn’t really heard. His brain was buzzing with the mental effort it took to be out and at the bar. He clutched his drink in his hand, the glass sliding out of his fingers from the slippery condensation. </p><p>	The air was hazy, filled with smoke that was dissipating into the ugly orange light coming from the ceiling. It normally wasn’t somewhere he would have found himself on a Friday night, but his roommate had insisted. They hadn’t gone out together in at least a month, and the other two got restless just sitting around at home.</p><p>	Tadashi took a sip of his drink. It was something that had been ordered for him, so it was far more bitter than he might have liked. But he was never one to turn down a free drink, so when his roommates had come and dropped off three glasses of dark amber liquid, Tadashi just grinned and said “thank you.”</p><p>	Tadashi sat alone, taking tiny sips of his drink and idly checking his watch. This was definitely longer than he liked to be out. If he were home, he would more than likely be curled up in his fluffy blanket with some tea watching a movie or reality show or something. Work had taken a lot out of him that day, and he almost considered just leaving his roommates a note and taking an early train home. The desire to please his roommates took over, and he slumped down in the seat, chugging down the rest of his drink.</p><p>	It didn’t take long for Tadashi to decide he was going to need more alcohol if he was going to make it through the night. He stood up, stretching, and walked back over to the bar, flagging down the bartender. She seemed to be quite busy with other customers, and Tadashi wasn’t one for confrontation, so he just twirled his empty glass around in his hands and resolved himself to a night of awkward, too-sober dancing.</p><p>	“Do you come here often?” a voice pierced through the dull chatter of the bar. It was such a cliche line that it took Tadashi a few seconds to realize that it was directed at him. He clutched his glass in both hands, looking towards the source of the voice to see a muscular man leaning against the bar. The mystery man smiled.</p><p>	“What?” Yeah. Nice one, Tadashi.</p><p>	“I don’t think I’ve seen you here before,” the man said, the corners of his mouth twisting up into a smirk before he stuck his tongue out to lick some of the salt off of the rim of his glass. The motion was almost too sensual, and that was definitely emphasized by the glittering piece of jewelry stuck through the man’s tongue. Tadashi swallowed heavily.</p><p>	“Uh. . .” Tadashi looked over to the bartender to see if he might be saved, but she was pouring shots for a large group of people gathered at the other end of the bar. “No, I don’t come here often.” He offered up a polite smile, hoping it was enough for this tall, pierced, intimidating man to get the hint.</p><p>	“I wish you would,” the man practically growled, leaning in to whisper against Tadashi’s ear. Tadashi couldn’t help but shudder. He pulled away, once again trying to flag down the bartender. “Let me buy you a drink.”</p><p>	Tadashi felt his hands start to shake. This was a direct type of attention that he was definitely not used to, and his avoidance of confrontation made it hard to say no.</p><p>	“Sorry, I don’t drink with strangers,” Tadashi said, confident this time that he had said enough to discourage the taller man from hitting on him further. He turned away, setting his empty glass on the bar with just a bit too much force, making himself jump from the sound that echoed. The buzzing in his brain was growing louder, so he squeezed his eyes shut a couple of times trying to dull the intense feeling.</p><p>	“Terushima,” the other man said, leaning his elbow against the scratched-up wood of the bar, never taking his eyes off of Tadashi. “Now we aren’t strangers.” Terushima’s broad shoulders were completely blocking Tadashi’s view of the bartender. Terushima smiled, moving himself a bit closer, close enough for Tadashi to smell his musky cologne mixed with the saltiness of his sweat.</p><p>	“What?” Tadashi found himself saying again, blinking hard and looking over at Terushima, tapping his hand on the bar. It wasn’t really an attempt to get the attention of the bartender, but it did anyway, and she walked over looking exasperated. Tadashi was about to apologize but was pretty quickly interrupted.</p><p>	“I’ll take a beer, and let’s get this beautiful man a Long Island Iced Tea,” Terushima said, flashing a dazzling smile, causing the bartender to look a bit flustered. Her face flushed red, and Tadashi was sure he wasn’t far behind, but he knew he was probably flushed all the way down to his neck. It was partly a reaction to being hit on, which didn’t happen often, and always made him uncomfortable, but the combination of that plus the blooming sensory overload from the chatter and lights and humidity was sending Tadashi into a spiral.</p><p>	The bartender’s hands moved quickly, and Tadashi winced when she shook the drink up in the metal shaker, the ice making a horrible noise when it knocked against the sides. He tried to focus on the strainer, and the sound of the liquid pouring into the glass was almost soothing, a welcome distraction from the grating noise of what seemed like a thousand conversations at once, and from the fabric of Terushima’s shirt, which was just barely brushing against Tadashi’s arm but it felt more like a burning sensation. Surely when he would pull his arm away, his skin would be blistering.</p><p>	“Thank you,” Tadashi said, taking the drink from her hands and immediately wrapping his lips around the straw and sucking, hollowing his cheeks. It was like he couldn’t get it down quickly enough.</p><p>	“Oh, honey, you don’t have to rush,” Terushima said, placing a firm hand on Tadashi’s shoulder, “there will be plenty more where that came from.” This last sentence was whispered in his ear, and it echoed off the walls of Tadashi’s skull incessantly. That shocked Tadashi enough for his entire body to jolt, causing a wave of his cocktail to jump out of his glass, splattering onto the bar. </p><p>	Tadashi just couldn’t justify the man’s words with a response; instead, he disregarded his straw and chugged down the drink that had stayed in his glass, the warmth running down his throat and spreading throughout his body. He was glad that he chose to wear a t-shirt, realizing that he definitely wouldn’t have been able to take the feeling of the fabric rubbing against his skin all night, getting sticky and hot. Head turning back and forth, he tried for the life of him to locate a napkin, but the holder in front of him was empty, so he dragged one of his fingers through the droplets, intending to wipe it on his pants.</p><p>	Tadashi looked on in horror as Terushima scooped up his hand, taking Tadashi’s fingers into his mouth and sucking off the alcohol.</p><p>	For a moment, he was frozen, stunned by the warmth on his hands, but the sensation of the man’s tongue stud dragging in between his pointer and middle fingers pulled him out of his trance, and he yanked his arm back so hard that his elbow jabbed into the ribs of the person behind him.</p><p>	“Sorry,” Tadashi mumbled, not even looking at the person that he had accidentally assaulted. He was sufficiently buzzed now, giving him the confidence he needed to escape Terushima. “I, uh. .” he stuttered, already starting to back away. “I gotta go.” Sure, it wasn’t much of an explanation, but with the level of discomfort Terushima had caused him, Tadashi didn’t feel like he really owed an explanation. </p><p>	Stumbling over the floorboards, Tadashi pushed himself away from the bar, almost falling face-first into the ground before catching himself on the arm of someone. He pulled himself back up onto his feet, babbling an apology to the person he had used to stabilize. The ridiculous amount of alcohol in the Long Island Iced Tea had dulled the sharp edges in his brain, allowing him to see a bit more clearly through the fog and orange light. Without thinking much, he had made his way onto the dance floor, almost singing along to the song playing. It was one that he vaguely recognized.<br/>
Swaying his hips to the beat, Tadashi decided to make a show of it. He had long forgotten that he had come with his roommates, instead deciding to focus on closing his eyes and letting the beat of the drum and the bass pulse through his veins. Tadashi didn’t claim to be a good dancer, but his inhibitions were lowered, and he didn’t even react when he felt someone’s arms wrap around him from behind. </p><p>        “You left so soon.”</p><p>        Now that voice did make him pause, his arms freezing in midair where he had been waving them a bit wildly. Slowly, Tadashi lowered his arms down, keeping them away from the arms wrapped around his waist. The alcohol had had time now to make its way further into his system, and he shook his head.</p><p>        “Don’t you think there might have been a reason for that?” Tadashi asked, feeling bold. He was never that bold, so the confident tone felt unfamiliar on his tongue. Pulling away, the song changed, and Tadashi nodded his head along with the rhythm.</p><p>        “Stop running away from me, baby,” Terushima shouted over the music, somehow managing to keep a disturbing sensuality in his voice, even with the volume. Tadashi slipped through a couple of people in the crowd, starting to look around for his roommates. He could feel the panic rising in his chest, but it was dulled by the drink coursing through him, and he figured he had a short amount of time before he started to absolutely feel it. A hand snaked around his wrist, pulling him close.</p><p>        Tadashi’s hips crashed with Terushima’s, and all of the color drained from Tadashi’s face when a strong hand was placed on his lower back, holding him flush to the other man. Tadashi really hoped he wasn’t feeling what he thought he was feeling, but he was enough of a realist to know that it was definitely the man’s arousal pressing into his hip.</p><p>        “See what you do to me?” Terushima’s breath against his neck made Tadashi shiver, goosebumps crawling down his neck and onto his arms. “Just let me take you home. I promise it’ll be worth it.”</p><p>        Tadashi looked over the man’s shoulder and finally saw his roommates, one after the other, coming out of the mens’ restroom. Sugawara Koushi’s hair was disheveled, and Sawamura Daichi’s shirt was half-tucked, and Tadashi didn’t have time to explore the implications of their current state. He didn’t think. He pushed Terushima away and ran, placing his hands in front of himself to act as a wedge to push people out of the way.</p><p>        Suga did not get a moment to rest before Tadashi jumped at him, wrapping his arms around the shorter boy firmly, feeling a few numb tears fall down his flushed cheeks, sliding over freckles. It took Suga only half of a second to reciprocate the hug, his hands firm on the back of Tadashi’s aqua t-shirt, which was clinging to his back with a thin layer of sweat. </p><p>        “Hey, Yamaguchi, what’s going on?” Daichi asked, placing a comforting hand on Tadashi’s shoulder. Tadashi’s eyes were closed now, tears catching at the seam of his eyelids. He didn’t flinch, and he didn’t pull away. He didn’t want to pull away or open his eyes for the rest of eternity; he would have been satisfied to stay in Suga’s soothing hug for the rest of his life until he withered up and died.</p><p>        “Can we go home, please?” Tadashi said, finally pulling off of Suga, sniffling and wiping his eyes before looking over his shoulder. It was an odd sense of paranoia that had set in, quickly morphing into panic when he met eyes with Terushima. Daichi followed his line of sight, and his mouth pulled into a tight line. Usually a pleasant guy, Daichi could be incredibly frightening when he got a certain look in his eye. Daichi started to walk over, presumably ready to give Terushima a stern lecture.</p><p>        “Please, Daichi,” Tadashi said, throwing his arm up in front of his roommate to stop him in his tracks. “You’ll make it worse. Let’s just go home.”</p><p>        “What did he do to you?” Suga asked, body angled in a protective way. That was quite a question, Tadashi realized, because there wasn’t really a definitive answer to that. Nothing was really done to him, and he wondered if he was being a little bit too defensive. It wasn’t uncommon for him to feel things too strongly, and he was overcome with the possibility that this was one of those moments. </p><p>        “Just. . . creepy,” Tadashi responded, thinking too much to come up with a sentence any more articulate than that. Daichi looked like he was physically holding himself back, his fists clenched, and his jaw pulled tight. “Can we go?”</p><p>        That question earned a nod from both Suga and Daichi, who stood on either side of him to escort him across the bar.</p><p>        Tadashi nearly doubled over with relief when he stepped into the night, the cool air stinging his throat and chest a welcome sensation after being overwhelmed by the stuffy bar. He took a moment, opening his mouth and breathing in as much air as he could. He swore he could feel his lungs swell up to twice their normal size. The realization of how overloaded his senses were in the bar hit him like a train, and he let his eyes drift upwards, scanning the night sky. They were in an odd part of downtown that didn’t have quite as much light pollution, so there were a few constellations fully visible, offering Tadashi some semblance of being grounded in reality.</p><p>        “Are you okay?” Suga’s voice broke the silence, soft and even. The three simple words wrapped a rope around Tadashi’s midsection, pulling him slowly back down to earth. Once his breathing was regulated, Tadashi nodded, looking down at Suga and Daichi, who were both wearing expressions of concern.</p><p>        “I’m fine,” Tadashi’s voice broke, but only a little, and once he said it out loud, it started to seem more true. “I’m okay.”</p><p>        The words hung in the air for a while, a comfortable silence settling in their place. </p><p>        “We should leave now if we want to catch the last train,” Daichi said, his eyes trained on his watch. The other two agreed, and they walked to the train station, exchanging few words on the way.</p><p> </p><p>	It felt like their apartment door couldn’t be opened fast enough. It was on the train ride where Tadashi realized how truly mentally and physically exhausted he was, and when Daichi and Suga settled down on the couch, Tadashi opted to grab a glass of water and shut himself in his bedroom.</p><p>	Tadashi’s mind felt gummed up, and there was an indescribable feeling of grime all over his entire body. The first step to relief was to strip off all of his clothes, not bothering to throw them into the laundry hamper like he usually would. Without his permission, his feet carried him into his en suite bathroom, and he turned the knobs, mindlessly adjusting the temperature until it was scalding. Before stepping into the shower, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, and he was completely frozen. He didn’t recognize himself; it was like his soul was floating above himself, looking down on his physical form.</p><p>        Ignoring the disgusting feeling in his stomach, Tadashi stepped over the edge of the tub and let the water wash over his whole body. He wondered if he could get it hot enough to just burn his skin off. That would feel better than whatever his current state was. Usually, Tadashi took pleasure in showers, but this one felt a lot more urgent than usual. His arms moved with remarkable speed, scrubbing himself down with his loofah until his skin was red and raw. For a moment he wondered if he would scrub his freckles off.</p><p>        Once he was dried off, Tadashi pulled on a big t-shirt and a baggy pair of sweatpants; it seemed like the set of pajamas that would be the least likely to make him aware of his own body. Bending over, he pulled his phone from the pocket of his jeans and swiped through his notifications. All of the names and messages blended together until one certain name, one that made him crack his first smile in hours.</p><p>
  <b>From: Tsukishima Kei (20:43)<b><br/>
How is the bar?</b></b>
</p><p>	Tadashi decided pretty quickly that Tsukki would not want to hear about what happened at the bar. He typed out a response, honestly not expecting his best friend to still be up.</p><p>
  <b>To: Tsukishima Kei (23:58)<b><br/>
About as exciting as you would expect. Dinner tomorrow?</b></b>
</p><p>He pulled himself up onto his bed, each limb a challenge, much heavier than they should be. Instead of using his arms to pull on the blanket, he just used his feet to shove it down and then wiggled down until he was enveloped in a comfortable heat. To his surprise, his phone buzzed.</p><p>
  <b>From: Tsukishima Kei (23:59)<b><br/>
Can’t. Work late tomorrow. Lunch on Sunday?</b></b>
</p><p>
  <b>To: Tsukishima Kei (23:59)<b><br/>
Works for me! See you then, Tsukki (:</b></b>
</p><p>Eyes fluttering shut, Tadashi let his phone fall onto the bedside table before snuggling deep into the bed, drifting off after a while of tossing and turning.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tadashi thought that his head might explode. The first reason for that was the mountain of homework sitting in front of him, threatening to take up his entire Saturday. Usually, he got more done on Fridays, but for obvious reasons, he had pushed it all off to the next day. The second reason for the throbbing in his head was the hangover that was sure to plague him all day. He had chugged a couple liters of water already, but it didn’t help as much as it should have. He silently vowed never to drink again. Then again, he said that every time.</p>
<p>	He didn’t work well at home, especially not on Saturdays when Suga and Daichi were both home from work all day, so he had made his way to the library on campus. It offered the ideal environment for completing university homework, seeing as everyone else there was doing the same thing.</p>
<p>	After about half an hour of typing out an essay, Tadashi found his mind wandering. He didn’t really find it wandering in any direction in particular. It always became hard to concentrate after a certain amount of time, he found. Every thought he would come across would lead him to a whole new chain of worrying, and often it would lead him to questioning a lot of the relationships in his life.</p>
<p>	This particular train of thought led him to wonder if Suga and Daichi saw him differently after what had happened the previous night. Certainly he felt different. The gross feeling in his chest persisted, even after his scalding shower and a decent night of sleep. Even though his roommates weren’t there, and they didn’t know what happened, there was a little voice at the back of his head saying that the two were judging him, talking about him when he wasn’t there. So he took out his phone.</p>
<p>
  <b>To: Roommates :D (13:22)<b><br/>
Hey guys! Hope you’re having a good day.</b></b>
</p>
<p>He had typed and retyped the message many times over, not wanting to sound too overbearing. He ended up figuring that one exclamation point and one period was a good balance, and the content was at least not too desperate-sounding. Setting his phone down, he craned his neck, closing his eyes and stretching. The tension in his chest released, and as soon as he heard a buzzing from his phone.</p>
<p>	Tadashi’s eyes snapped open, and he picked up his phone, but it was just an email from one of his professors. A shaky breath stuttered out of his mouth, and he turned his attention back to his laptop, shutting off his phone and setting it down on the table face-down. Surely that would keep him from worrying about it, right?</p>
<p>	The essay got approximately an additional eight or so words before Tadashi was turning his phone over, tapping the glass and sighing when all he saw was his lockscreen, a photo of him, Daichi, Suga, and Tsukki. Anxiety started to worm its way into Tadashi’s veins, pooling in every available part of him. His hands started to shake, one of the first telltale signs that things were about to get worse. He clenched his fists, closing his eyes and trying to take deep, even breaths. It was a tactic that he had found online, but it hardly ever worked for him.</p>
<p>	The buzzing of his phone brought him out of his attempted tranquil escape, and this time it was Daichi.</p>
<p>
  <b>From: Sawamura Daichi<b><br/>
To: Roommates :D (13:28)<br/>
Everything is great on our end. How are you? Don’t overwork yourself.</b></b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <b></b>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <b></b>
  </b>
</p>
<p>Tadashi paused. He wasn’t entirely sure how to decipher that. The lack of exclamation marks was definitely worrying. Another message came in.</p>
<p>
  <b>From: Sugawara Koushi<b><br/>
To: Roommates :D (13:28)<br/>
Please have dinner with us! Don’t leave me alone with Daichi-san all day!</b></b>
</p>
<p>Tadashi let out a relieved breath, smiling. Suga’s message was much more promising. Two exclamation marks made him feel a lot safer. </p>
<p>
  <b>To: Roommates :D (13:29)<b><br/>
I’ll be home for dinner! (: As long as it’s not too spicy. Looking at you, Suga (:</b></b>
</p>
<p>Maybe the smiley faces were overkill, but Tadashi thought an exclamation mark on the last sentence would sound too demanding, and a period would look far too serious. He realized he put far more thought into the structure of his text messages than most people, but it was just how his brain was wired.</p>
<p>	Tadashi set his phone down, stretching out his fingers before threading them together and cracking each one, his eyes scanning the text he had already written for his essay. It was a nervous habit, and he knew it annoyed probably more people than not, but it was something to do with his hands, and sometimes his fingers didn’t feel right until all of them had been cracked. Maybe it was just another reason to not work on his homework.</p>
<p>	Leaning back in his chair, Tadashi realized his brain was far too preoccupied to get the essay done. He had been there for a few hours and had written little more than a double spaced page. Every time there was a lull between his thoughts, he saw a flash of a tongue piercing, felt a whisper of something pressed against his hips. Tadashi squeezed his eyes shut a couple of times, trying to will away the feeling of hands around his waist. </p>
<p>	The thought that he might be overreacting entered his mind. Tadashi was well aware that he felt things much more strongly than other people, and he thought this could be one of those times. He tried to repeat to himself some of the things he had read online, which was that he was the only one who could decipher his own feelings. A lot of the time, he felt like that wasn’t true at all. </p>
<p>	With the realization that no work was going to get done, Tadashi began to pack up his books and laptop. Once everything was in his backpack, he slung it over both of his shoulders, holding tightly onto the straps. </p>
<p>	Tadashi was a fan of the walk to the train station, even with his laptop and textbooks weighing down his already less-than-stellar posture. The air felt clean and fresh, and it was hard for him to get too overloaded when people were just passing by rather than congregating. He walked pretty mindlessly, knowing the way by heart.</p>
<p>	“You couldn’t stay away, huh?”</p>
<p>	Tadashi’s body turned to ice, and he wished he would melt into the ground and disappear into the cracks. He shook off the frost, blinking heavily and tightening his grip on his backpack straps before shuffling forward, trying to walk as fast as he could.</p>
<p>	“Oh, don’t run away again, beautiful.”</p>
<p>	Tadashi heard footsteps, and he tried for the life of him to walk faster, but a figure appeared in front of him, stopping him from walking any further. Terushima had found him. Good God, Terushima had found him. His mind was drawing a complete blank.</p>
<p>	“How did you find me?” Tadashi said, wishing that his voice had been the tiniest bit more steady. He defiantly held onto his backpack straps, staring the man down. In the light of daytime, he didn’t look quite so intimidating. Tadashi realized he was actually a few centimeters taller than him, and so he puffed out his chest, straightening his back, trying not to tremble under the weight of all of his books.</p>
<p>	“I go to school here,” Terushima said, adjusting his backpack, which had previously slipped Tadashi’s notice. This seemed like a worse outcome than the man seeking him out. Out of all the people who could have hit on him at the bar, it had to be someone who attended the same college as him. Tadashi shook his head.</p>
<p>	“No. No, you can’t.” It was a silly thing to say. Obviously Terushima could go to the school. He was there, and he had a backpack. “You. . .” Tadashi couldn’t form a proper sentence in his head. He was starting to regret going to the library to work that day.</p>
<p>	“I was just coming to catch up on some studying,” Terushima said, taking a step closer. Tadashi was stuck to the ground. “But now I can think of something much more exciting to fill my day with.” Terushima smiled a gross, devilish smile, and his canvas shoes sounded like the bang of a loud drum with each step he took, but Tadashi found it impossible to move away. In his mind, he was running, sprinting away as fast as he could until he reached the train station, but the unfortunate reality found him with a rough, calloused hand tucking his hair behind his ear.</p>
<p>	“Why me?” Tadashi asked, and he was well aware of how pathetic he sounded, but the question had slipped out without permission. It was something of a learned habit, being in disbelief that someone could be interested in him in any capacity, whether it be friendship or anything further. But in this case, Tadashi worried that he had just shown a telltale sign of weakness, and he was afraid that that would give Terushima the opening he so desperately wanted.</p>
<p>	Terushima was still smiling, one eyebrow raising at Tadashi’s breathless inquiry. Terushima hadn’t taken his hand away; it was still pressed against Tadashi’s cheek, thumb rubbing against the skin ever so slowly. The pace was agonizingly slow, allowing Tadashi to feel every single one of his molecules being assaulted; the burning feeling had returned. People walked by, either not noticing what was happening or just choosing brazenly to ignore it.</p>
<p>	“Your freckles are so hot,” Terushima said, ignoring Tadashi’s question. </p>
<p>	“Leave me alone,” Tadashi said, voice quiet and unsure, even though he had never been more certain of a sentiment in his anxiety-filled years. The skin on his cheek felt like it might melt off if Terushima kept rubbing it.</p>
<p>	“God, I can think of something I’d like to do on those freckles.”</p>
<p>	That was it for Tadashi. Something in his brain snapped, and he quickly put both his arms in front of him, hands planted firmly against Terushima’s chest. With all of his might, he pushed the man away, and it was the only time he regretted not continuing athletics after high school.</p>
<p>	“I have a boyfriend!” Tadashi said, his voice high-pitched, which might have been an indicator that he was lying to someone with the common sense not to hit on someone in the middle of the sidewalk on a university campus. The exclamation was what finally made Terushima step away, cocking his head to the side and letting his arms fall.</p>
<p>	“Really?” Terushima said, his expression unreadable to a trembling Tadashi, whose head was nodding up and down rapidly. “I should have known you were too pretty to be single.”</p>
<p>	“Uh-huh,” Tadashi said, not wanting to say something that might dig him further into the lie he had concocted for himself. It wasn’t lost on him that this man seemed to respect an unseen, non-existent boy rather than Tadashi, who had been standing right in front of him. He reached up to his face, nervously tucking his hair behind his ear a couple of times before scratching at his cheek, trying to get rid of the weird tingling Terushima’s words had caused in his freckles.</p>
<p>	“How serious is it?”</p>
<p>	Tadashi almost couldn’t believe it. He had given this guy every single that he wasn’t interested, but Terushima had a seemingly unlimited supply of sexual desire.</p>
<p>	“It’s very serious,” Tadashi responded, his fingers still scratching at the skin on his cheek. “So you probably want to back off.” His voice box was running on autopilot, spitting out words without the permission of his brain. That made Terushima think for a second, his hands on his hips, before he reached behind him into his backpack.</p>
<p>	“Here,” Terushima said, scribbling on the corner of a page of a notebook before tearing it off and handing it to Tadashi, who decided to take it to try and end the interaction sooner. On it was a series of numbers. “Call me if you ever get bored of him, alright?” There was a disgusting, fake softness to the man’s voice. Tadashi nodded, but he had no intention of ever calling him.<br/>
Terushima started to walk away, his hands shoved in his pockets and his head tilted downwards in a kind of dejected posture. After only a few steps, he turned around and looked at Tadashi, who still hadn’t found the courage to start walking again.</p>
<p>“And don’t think this means I’m going to stop trying.”</p>
<p>Tadashi visibly shuddered, watching Terushima walk until his figure had completely disappeared behind the school library.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Holding it together on the train was a challenge. Even if he was overreacting, Tadashi realized that that didn’t change the fact that he was so strongly about the situation. It felt like his entire body was wound up tightly, and anything could make him snap.The entire train ride was filled with a heavy aura, and Tadashi nervously clawed at his freckles the whole way home. He knew that his face was probably getting increasingly red, and it was stinging and painful, but it was the only way to dull the gross feeling. It was truly a miracle that he made it back to his apartment door without crying.</p>
<p>Music was drifting lazily out of a speaker set up on their kitchen counter. Tadashi recognized it as one of Suga’s playlists, but he wasn’t in a state to decipher much more than that. Daichi was in front of the stove, wearing a cheesy apron Suga had gotten him for Christmas. He was pushing something around in a pan, Suga’s arms wrapped around his waist. Both of them turned when they heard Tadashi open the door.</p>
<p>Apparently something seemed off, because Suga asked, “is everything okay?” That was what finally made Tadashi snap. A sob wrenched its way out of his throat, his backpack falling to the floor before his knees gave out under him. He vaguely registered colliding with the floor before Suga and Daichi were at his side, kneeling down next to him and blocking out the light from the ceiling of the living room.<br/>
“What happened?” Suga said, the panic evident in his voice. Tadashi had no hesitations about crying in front of his roommates. He did it when they watched a sad movie, or when he read an article about the decline of the bee population, or when a song reminded him of a sad movie or the declining bee population. But this was different. </p>
<p>Tadashi felt a hand on his face, and he jerked his head back, the movement sharp enough for the back of his head to collide painfully with the metal door. It was one of the loudest sounds he had ever heard, and he definitely registered the pain, but it almost made the bad thoughts disappear for a moment, so he didn’t mind.</p>
<p>“Hey, it’s me,” came Daichi’s soothing voice, and he waited a second before placing his hand back on Tadashi’s cheek. “Will you tell us what happened?” There was a pause.</p>
<p>“Ran into the guy from the bar,” Tadashi said, words choked out between cries. He just made out a look of worry on Suga’s face before he looked back at Daichi, who was gently running his thumb across Tadashi’s face. It stung, Tadashi realized, but in a much different way than when Terushima had touched him. Daichi looked over at Suga, and the two shared a look. Their proficiency of non-verbal communication was almost frightening at times.</p>
<p>“Yamaguchi-san, you’re bleeding,” Daichi said, his voice as calm as ever. It would never fail to amaze Tadashi how calm Daichi could be, even in situations as intense as this one. “Can you walk to the bathroom?”</p>
<p>Tadashi sniffled, and then nodded, using Suga’s arm to help himself up onto his feet. Once he was down the hall and sitting on the edge of the tub, Daichi was rummaging through the medicine cabinet while Suga was going into the linen closet in the hallway. Tadashi caught a glimpse of himself in his mirror, and it was unmistakable; there were four scratch marks on his face. He looked down at his lap and saw dried blood underneath his fingernails.</p>
<p>“What did he do?” Suga asked, dampening a grey washcloth in the sink. He walked over, reaching his hand up but pausing as if waiting for permission. Tadashi nodded, and Suga hooked his finger under Tadashi’s chin, tilting it upwards before gently dabbing at the blood.</p>
<p>“Just. .” Tadashi took a deep breath, trying to stabilize his voice before talking. “Wouldn’t leave me alone.”</p>
<p>“Did he do this to you? I’ll find him and I swear to God I’ll hurt him-”</p>
<p>	“No, Suga,” Tadashi said, and Daichi appeared next to them. “I, uh. .” He found himself embarrassed to say it out loud. He quieted himself to a near whisper. “I accidentally did it to myself.”</p>
<p>The look of pity and sadness from both of his roommates was one he would never forget. The furrow of Suga’s eyebrows. The tear at the corner of Daichi’s eye. </p>
<p>“We’ll get you taken care of,” Suga said, his voice wavering only slightly. He continued his work with the washcloth, and then he grabbed a tube of antibiotic ointment from Daichi. “This might sting, okay?” He waited for a nod before dispensing some onto his finger and then dabbing it onto the gashes. Tadashi inhaled sharply. Suga was right; it stung like hell.</p>
<p>It didn’t take much longer for the wound to be all cleaned up. Tadashi stared at himself for a second; the scratches looked much better without all the dried blood.</p>
<p>Soon, Tadashi was wrapped in a blanket and sitting on the couch with a cup of green tea in his hand. The room was nearly silent, only filled with the sounds of Daichi trying to rescue their burned dinner. Suga clicked on the tv and they sat and watched it for a while, neither one bothering to care about what was playing.</p>
<p>Daichi finished up disposing of the ruined food and then joined them in the living room.</p>
<p>“Please call me if he tries to bother you again, okay?”</p>
<p>Tadashi nodded, grateful, but kind of regretting the implication that he couldn’t take care of himself. He silently wished that he could always have the level of confidence that he had when he could be around Tsukishima. </p>
<p>It took him three confirmations from Tsukki that they were still on for lunch the next day before Tadashi was able to calm his thoughts enough to fall asleep that night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know this was a fast update but it will definitely slow once I get back to school this week! Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tadashi had been staring at himself in the mirror for the entire morning, trying to decide if the scratches on his face made him hideous enough to hide away in his bedroom until they healed. He had looked at it from every single angle, starting with head on, and then to one side, to the other side, squinting every time. He even took steps backwards until his back was against the wall, trying to see what he would look like from far away.</p><p>Once he was satisfied that his scratches could be taken as just skin texture from a distance, he started to get dressed. There was always something in the back of his mind telling him to dress nicely when he met up with Tsukki, and his favorite pair of pants was just baggy enough to be comfortable, even with the bit of grime still caked on his brain from his interactions with Terushima. </p><p> </p><p>Tsukishima Kei sat idly at a table in the small restaurant he had selected for lunch with Yamaguchi. Kei’s eyes were trained on the sky outside the window, which was dark and swirling with storm clouds; it was perfect for the melody drifting through his headphones, which snugly fit over his ears. A waiter had brought him a glass of water, and he had slid it over to the other side of the table, knowing Yamaguchi would probably want some when he arrived.</p><p>Hands clasped together and placed on the table in front of him, Kei’s eyes followed the path of a small patch of clear sky. He watched as it morphed and changed shape as the storm clouds around it swelled until the small patch of blue disappeared completely, replaced by dark grey.</p><p>Kei’s attention was drawn when out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of a dark green sweater. He turned his head to see Yamaguchi sitting down, and what caught his eye immediately was the irritated skin on his cheek. Kei noted this, but he didn’t say anything, knowing that Yamaguchi was more than likely fully aware of the state of his face, and that bringing it up would just make his friend upset and self conscious.</p><p>Kei reached up, pressing the button on the side of his headphones before pulling them down, letting them rest around his neck, the pressure a comforting familiarity.<br/>“Hey, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said, smiling. The smile had a mixture of emotions behind it. If Kei was not mistaken, he could have sworn Yamaguchi looked almost relieved. “I should have worn a rain jacket, huh?” The sentence was punctuated with the shake of a black umbrella, droplets of water splattering onto the carpet next to the window. Yamaguchi leaned the umbrella up against the window, carefully making sure it wouldn’t fall down before turning to face Kei. </p><p>“How was your trip here?” Kei asked. Usually, he wasn’t one for small talk, but he really didn’t mind it when it came to Yamaguchi for some reason. They had been friends for so long that they had already talked about all the big stuff, and the silence was comfortable, but there was a part of Kei’s brain that he reserved for all of the little things Yamaguchi had to say about his day.</p><p>“It was pretty good,” Yamaguchi said, his smile widening and his hand nervously fiddling with the end of the sleeves of the button-down he wore underneath his sweater. His other hand was hovering above his cheek, rolling a piece of hair between his fingers, but Kei knew that was just an excuse for him to cover up the scratches on his face. Yamaguchi leaned forward and sucked on the straw, downing a third of the water. </p><p>“I actually saw a cat on the way to the train station,” Yamaguchi said, his eyes widening like they did every time he told stories. Kei liked seeing him like this. It was a slightly different version of him than when they were with other people. He had been seeing it since they were kids, and it always seemed like that was his truest self. </p><p>	“It was a white cat, and his paws were getting all muddy, and I thought, aw! His paws are getting muddy,” Yamaguchi said, and Kei smirked, and leaned in to show he was listening. “And then I thought, his paws can’t be muddy! So I looked around, because I wanted to shield him from the rain. So I found a pizza box, which sucked, because it was just laying on the ground and litter sucks.”</p><p>Yamaguchi paused at that point, so Kei said, “litter does suck.”</p><p>“Yeah! It does! But I took the pizza box, and I walked really slow with it over to the cat. And, like, he didn’t move or run away, and he looked up at me, and I just did that slow blink thing that cats do when they love you, you know? Because I wanted him to know that I wasn’t a threat.”</p><p>Kei was smiling now.</p><p>“And he didn’t move, so I just set up the pizza box next to the wall of a building, like with the lid propped open. Then I walked up to him and reached out with one hand, because the other hand was holding my umbrella, and then I scooped him up and resisted giving him a kiss on the head, because I don’t know where he’s been, you know?”</p><p>“Probably a good call,” Kei noted. </p><p>“And then I set him down in the box, and I made sure the lid would stay propped open, and then I pushed him in, and he curled up and covered his face with his paws. And that’s how I knew he was happy I helped him.”</p><p>“He was very lucky to meet you, then,” Kei said, and he smirked, and he meant what he said. Yamaguchi smiled at that, his hand still hovering over his face. He leaned down, his elbow resting against the table, and let his head lull into his hand.</p><p>“And then the train ride felt so slow, because I got water in my sock. But then it was only a couple more blocks until I made it here, and then I saw you,” Yamaguchi smiled, and Kei briefly noted that it was like a ray of sunshine on an otherwise gloomy day.</p><p>“Quite an eventful journey,” Kei said, watching as Yamaguchi took another sip of his water without moving his hand away. Kei decided pretty quickly that he would need to bring the injury up eventually, but he would need to wait for the right time. </p><p>The waiter walked over with another glass of water, setting it down in front of Kei, who quietly thanked him.</p><p>“We’re going to need a minute,” Kei said, gesturing down to the menu, knowing that Yamaguchi had just gotten there and would panic if he was rushed into making a decision.</p><p>A comfortable silence washed over them as the waiter walked away and both boys perused the menus. Kei silently chose his meal and then looked out the window, waiting until Yamaguchi was finished picking what he wanted. He knew if he looked at him, Yamaguchi would feel like he needed to rush to pick out what he wanted, and then he would end up with something he didn’t really like, but he would be very polite about it. After just a couple of minutes, Yamaguchi set the menu down and closed it.</p><p>“So how was work yesterday?” Yamaguchi asked, and Kei looked back over at him.</p><p>“It wasn’t bad,” Kei said, picking his water up and taking a few drinks. “We’re getting a space exhibit in soon, so that will be pretty cool. It’s supposed to have a room with a bunch of constellations.”<br/>Yamaguchi lit up at that, even going to far as to take his hand away from his face before he remembered, snapping it back so fast it looked like he accidentally smacked himself.</p><p>“That sounds awesome,” Yamaguchi said, the candor in his tone making Kei smile. “We still have to get to the dinosaur exhibit before it closes!”</p><p>	“It’s here for a few more weeks. We’ll go,” Kei said. They had talked about it before, but work and school kept getting in the way. Kei couldn’t think of anyone he would rather go with than Yamaguchi. The nights they had spent watching Jurassic Park together as a kid were countless, and Kei’s brother had even prepared dinosaur-themed snacks for them once. </p><p>The waiter appeared at the table again, and both of the boys ordered before settling back into a comfortable silence. Kei stared out the window, vaguely registering out of the corner of his eye that Tadashi was also looking out the window. When Kei looked over, he realized that that was not the case. Yamaguchi was stretching the skin on his face, looking at his reflection in the glass and examining the scratches.</p><p>“Yamaguchi,” Kei said, his voice even. His friend looked over at him. “How did you get those scratches?” He chose his words very carefully, not wanting to sound accusatory, only wanting to convey genuine curiosity. A voice in the back of his head was shrieking with worry.</p><p>The question seemed to take Yamaguchi off guard, like he didn’t expect it to come up at all. He awkwardly shifted in his seat, once again pressing his hand to his face and turning away from the table. Kei knew better than to press further. He knew that Yamaguchi would eventually answer the question or change the subject, and the latter meant that something more serious was going on. His friend’s mood had done a complete 180 from the story about the cat.</p><p>“I hope our food comes out soon.”</p><p>	Ah. There was Kei’s answer. It was something more serious. He studied Yamaguchi’s expression, narrowing his eyes. </p><p>“Tell me what happened.” It wasn’t a question. It was a demand.</p><p>There was a pause.</p><p>“I was trying to scratch my freckles off, I think,” Yamaguchi said, and Kei hardened his expression to hide the effects of his heart shattering into pieces. “I wasn’t doing it on purpose, I promise,” Yamaguchi said, and Kei wondered if maybe he hadn’t stoned his face enough. “I just. . .” Yamaguchi sighed and looked down at his lap. </p><p>Kei watched his friend’s expression, and he couldn’t quite read it. There was a hint of shame, which was something Yamaguchi didn’t show much. Anxiety and worry were common, but shame was far more rare. </p><p>“Why would you want your freckles to go away?” Kei asked, his brows ever so slightly furrowed. Yamaguchi’s freckles were one of Kei’s favorite things about his friend. They always reminded him of the stars, which were one of the most beautiful things in the universe. He had only expressed this a couple of times, knowing Yamaguchi would become acutely aware of his freckles if they were mentioned too much. </p><p>“Someone said something about them that made me self conscious,” Yamaguchi said, his eyes still trained on his lap. </p><p>Another pause.</p><p>“What did they say?”</p><p>	Yamaguchi looked around, and then down into his lap again before he met Kei’s eyes.</p><p>“It was more of an implication, I guess. I’m probably just overreacting,” Yamaguchi said, picking up his water and sucking on the straw until the water was gone.</p><p>“What did they say?” Kei said, his voice coming out just a bit more forceful than he intended. Yamaguchi curled his fingers against his face.</p><p>“He said, ‘I can think of something I’d like to do on those freckles.’”</p><p>The longest pause yet.</p><p>“Who said that to you?” Kei said, his jaw clenched so hard he was afraid he might break all of his teeth. Tension filled up his entire body. </p><p>It was at that moment that their food arrived, ceramic plates sliding against the smooth surface of the table. No one said a word, not even a thank you, and the waiter walked away in silence.</p><p>“A guy who I met at the bar on Friday who wouldn’t stop hitting on me,” Yamaguchi said. Kei realized he had located the source of the shame. </p><p>“Did he do something to you?” Kei couldn’t help feeling protective. That was always how they worked.</p><p>“No, not really,” Yamaguchi said, almost too quickly. “He wouldn’t stop following me around, and then he grabbed my wrist on the dance floor, and then he pushed himself against me, and then I saw him while I was doing work at school and he said he goes to school there, and then he pushed my hair behind my ear and said he wanted to do stuff on my freckles.”</p><p>It was like Yamaguchi had been a spring-loaded mousetrap, just waiting for someone to come along and set him off.</p><p>Kei contemplated what was said for a moment. There was an intense anger in the pit of his stomach, mingling with some other emotion he couldn’t identify. </p><p>“He goes to your university?” Kei asked, and Yamaguchi nodded in confirmation. Kei nodded, leaning back in his chair and looking out of the window, trying to calm the lightning storm of rage that had boiled up inside him. It was almost frightening, how much tension entered his body. His fists clenched up, and his food sat on the table, long since forgotten.</p><p>“I kind of panicked and told him I had a boyfriend because he wouldn’t leave me alone, and then when I said that he gave me his phone number and told me to call him if I ever got bored,” Yamaguchi said, his voice wavering. He idly picked up his chopsticks and scooped up some rice, letting it fall back onto his plate.</p><p>Kei thought about that for a minute. And then another minute.</p><p>“What if you did have a boyfriend?” Kei said simply. Yamaguchi looked confused at this.</p><p>“I don’t. That’s the problem.”</p><p>Kei shook his head.</p><p>“What if you pretended to have a boyfriend?” Kei clarified, picking up his water and taking a drink, never breaking eye contact. Yamaguchi cocked his head to the side.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“If you have someone pretend to be your boyfriend, and he sees you with that person, he’ll probably leave you alone, right?” Kei said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, like any cretin could have come up with the same suggestion.</p><p>“I guess so.” Yamaguchi didn’t sound entirely convinced.</p><p>“I think I can help you.”</p><p>Another pause.</p><p>“Do you know someone who would be willing to do it?” Yamaguchi sounded so sweet and innocent, and Kei smirked.</p><p>“I’ll do it.”</p><p>It was a moment where, if Yamaguchi had been drinking water, he would have spit it out dramatically. Yamaguchi’s eyes widened, and then squeezed shut, and then widened again, repeating that a couple of times.</p><p>“What do you mean, you’ll do it?” Yamaguchi sounded incredulous.</p><p>“My mother and Akiteru have been getting on my case about my dating life lately,” Kei said, picking up his chopsticks and shoving a pile of rice into his mouth. He chewed and swallowed before speaking again. “So it could benefit both of us.”</p><p>Yamaguchi’s reaction was difficult to gauge. It seemed like he was incredibly tense for a moment, but as he thought about it, his entire body relaxed, and after a minute, he nodded slowly.</p><p>“That. . . isn’t a bad idea.”</p><p>It was Kei’s turn to be surprised. They had been friends forever, but anything close to the idea of romance had been unspokenly off-limits. Yamaguchi sat up straighter, moving his hand away from his face and smiling.</p><p>“Yeah. Yeah! We can pretend to date! And that way I don’t have to deal with Terushima, and you don’t have to deal with your mom and Akiteru!” </p><p>“It’s something of a symbiotic relationship, you could say,” Kei said, smirking at the thought. Yamaguchi cocked his head. “Your actions benefit me, and my actions benefit you.” At this, Yamaguchi nodded, his smile growing wider. He reached for his chopsticks again, picking up some rice and happily shoving it in his mouth. </p><p>“This is perfect, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said, talking with his mouth full, which he did sometimes when he got excited. Kei used to hate it when they were kids, but he had grown to recognize it as a sign that Yamaguchi was in a good mood, so he didn’t mind it as much. “You’re so much taller than him! He’ll be so scared of you. You’ll be all like, ‘hey, don’t mess with my man,’ and he’ll be all like, ‘okay, giant, I won’t mess with your man.’ And then the problem is solved!” Kei briefly thought that if his friend’s smile grew any wider, his face would split open. </p><p>“The problem is solved,” Kei said fondly, and then the two chatted for the rest of their meal.</p><p>Kei could have sworn he felt his heart swell at the idea of pretending to date Yamaguchi, and he didn’t quite know why. He filed that away for later.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kei stood in the bathroom, looking into the mirror, which was fogged up with steam from his shower. His elbows were bent, hands in his hair, mussing it up every which way. For some reason, it just wasn’t sitting quite how he wanted it to that morning. He exhaled, his breath creating more fog on the mirror. Closing his eyes, he shook his head and sighed again, leaning back and taking a moment to realize that it didn’t really matter what his hair looked like. He wasn’t going on a real date. It was just a “practice date” for him and Yamaguchi to get the lay of the land, to see what it was like to be a couple so it seemed convincing when they ran into Terushima or had dinner with Kei’s parents. It was just hanging out with his best friend of years, like he had done hundreds of times before.</p><p>	So why did it feel so different?</p><p>	Kei leaned forward, opening his eyes and wiping away some of the mirror fog with his hand, running his other hand through his hair again. The wet locks were clinging together, sticking up in weird places, and Kei was just getting frustrated, so he definitively put his hands down at his sides, taking a deep breath and stepping away from the mirror. </p><p>	The next logical step was to get dressed. So he did, grabbing whichever shirt his hand came into contact with first. The pants were an easy choice after that; he just chose a pair that went with the shirt. Easy. But he found himself pausing in front of his full-length mirror, tugging at the bottom of his shirt and turning to the side to see how it fell on him.</p><p>	“Hey, Tsukishima, do you-”</p><p>	Kei’s roommate, Kuroo Tetsurou, burst through his bedroom door, holding a container of muffins and wearing last night’s pajamas, which consisted of some ratty sweatpants and no shirt. Kuroo stopped mid-sentence when he saw Kei.</p><p>	“Whoa, man,” Kuroo said, leaning up against the doorframe, and Kei swore he could smell the stink of a few days’ worth of grime. “What are you all dressed up for, huh?”</p><p>	Kei looked at himself again in the mirror, and realized that he did look a little more put together than usual. </p><p>	“You goin’ out on a date?” Kuroo asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. When Kei didn’t respond immediately, Kuroo’s eyebrows shot up, and he stood up straight, his expression reading clear disbelief. “Oh my god, dude. Are you?” Kuroo’s voice was absolutely dripping with excitement, and maybe just a hint of teasing. Kei sighed, looking at himself in the mirror again. His subconscious had picked out the nicest combination of shirt and pants that he owned. He started to take off his shirt, sliding it back onto the hanger.</p><p>	“Not exactly,” Kei said shortly, looking through his closet to find something more suitable to just a regular, everyday hangout session with his best friend. He finally settled on a t-shirt with a graphic on it and an athletic hoodie to go over it. It seemed casual enough. It definitely said “we’re friends and we’re hanging out.”</p><p>	“Not exactly?” Kuroo said, his voice a near shout. “What the hell does that mean? Is he straight and you’re going to seduce him into joining the dark side?” Kuroo laughed at his own joke, pulling a muffin out of the container he was holding and shoving it in his mouth, taking probably the biggest bite ever recorded in human history. Kei watched with narrow eyes as crumbs fell onto his floor.<br/>
“I’m just hanging out with Yamaguchi,” Kei said, and he knew it was a mistake.</p><p>	“You’re acting awful weird for just a regular meet-up with Yamaguchi,” Kuroo said, shoving the last bit of muffin into his mouth and setting the container on Kei’s dresser before walking into the room and grabbing the shirt he had been wearing before. “This is a date shirt. If you weren’t aware of that, you are now.”</p><p>	Kei snatched the hanger from Kuroo, shooting him a look.</p><p>	“I’m not going on a date, Kuroo,” Kei said, looking down at the shirt on the hanger before decidedly hanging it back in the closet, definitely using more force than necessary. The rod in the closet bent, then wobbled for a moment before it snapped back into place. Kuroo threw up his hands defensively.</p><p>	“Whoa, if looks could kill, I’d be a dead man,” Kuroo said, taking a couple of steps back so he was out of reach. “I’m just saying, it’s a big fanfiction trope, ya know? Childhood friends to lovers? It’s not out of the realm of possibi-”</p><p>	Kei picked a pillow off of his bed and tossed it at Kuroo. It hit him square in the face, and when it landed on the ground, Kuroo clutched his chest, mock offended. </p><p>	“You could have messed up my hair!”</p><p>	Kei chuckled out a laugh at that one.</p><p>	“What, your pristine bedhead?” Kei asked, once again turning to look at himself in the mirror. A tiny voice in the back of his head told him to change back to his nicer shirt, but he ignored that voice, instead focusing on Kuroo. “What did you come in here for, anyways? Without knocking, I might add.”</p><p>	“Oh!” Kuroo shouted, like he had completely forgotten he had a reason to come in in the first place. “Did you want a muffin?” He reached over to where he had set the container and picked it up, opening the lid and holding it out to Kei, who just glared at him.</p><p>	“I’m meeting Yamaguchi at a cafe. They have muffins there.”</p><p>	“Here, man,” Kuroo shook the container. “Bring your own! Just sneak it in in your volleyball bag, and they’ll be none the wiser. You can save some serious money.”</p><p>	Kei sighed, taking a step towards Kuroo, who looked hopeful, but Kei just placed his hands on him and gently guided him out of his room, closing the door behind him and ignoring Kuroo’s protests. Quiet filled the room, and Kei breathed a small sigh of relief.</p><p>	Turning back to the mirror, Kei tugged on the bottom of his jacket. Honestly, it just didn’t feel right. Why shouldn’t he dress up nice to go see his friend? It didn’t really mean anything if he did. Right?</p><p>	Out of spite for Kuroo (and maybe just a bit of self-propulsion), Kei changed into a salmon-colored sweatshirt, which he hoped was a nice midpoint.</p><p> </p><p>	“Yamaguchi-san,” Daichi said, bending down to place a hand on Tadashi’s shoulder. “I promise he won’t walk away if you’re wearing what you think is the wrong thing.”</p><p>	Tadashi was sat in the middle of his bedroom floor, surrounded by piles of clothes. He was hunched over, his fingers pressed to his temples, rubbing small circles. Never would he have imagined that he would be panicking over what to wear when he was going to hang out with Tsukishima, but here he was, having tried on nearly all of his clothes in different combinations of outfits.</p><p>	“Daichi is right,” Suga said, kneeling down next to Yamaguchi. Suga’s knee slipped on a sweater that had been sitting there, and he moved it out of the way before propping himself back up. “You’ve been friends since you were kids. Has he ever even mentioned what you were wearing?”</p><p>	Tadashi nodded, “Once. In high school one time he looked at me and he said, ‘I like that shade of blue.’” He looked up at his roommates, who shared a look, and then looked back at him, smiling fondly.</p><p>	“If the only thing he’s ever said about your clothes was something positive, don’t you think it will probably be alright?” Daichi said, rubbing his thumb back and forth on Tadashi’s shoulder. The small touch was calming. Tadashi swallowed and then let out a breath. He nodded.</p><p>	“Yeah. You’re probably right.”</p><p>	“Why are you even so worried about this? It’s not even a real date.” That one earned Suga an elbow in the ribs from Daichi, causing Suga to make a dramatic noise of pain before flicking Daichi on the forehead. This started a bit of a war between them, with more flicks and elbows exchanged. Tadashi let it go on for a few seconds as he thought about what Suga had said. It wasn’t a real date. He knew that. Maybe he had just forgotten it for a second. That would explain the knot of anxiety sitting in the bottom of his intestines.</p><p>	“Guys,” Tadashi said, which didn’t quite capture his roommates’ attention. “Guys!” This time, he spoke louder, the echo of his voice dulled by the insulating sweaters sitting all over the room. “Can you please help? I know it’s not a real date but it needs to look realistic to Terushima.”</p><p>	It almost felt like he was trying to convince himself that that was the reason, but it seemed to pretty easily convince Suga and Daichi, who began looking around the room at all of the options. After just a moment, Suga picked up a dark green sweater and a pair of jeans.</p><p>	“Go with these,” Suga said, holding them up. Tadashi took them, weighing them in his hands. They felt nice. They felt right. “This is a good color on you. I think I have some stuff you can accessorize with, too. Put these on, okay? Daichi and I will go look for accessories.”</p><p>	Tadashi nodded, and with that, Suga and Daichi exited the room, shutting the door behind them. Once he was done changing, Tadashi stepped over all of the stuff on his floor to find Suga and Daichi sitting at the kitchen table. Taking a few steps closer, Tadashi saw all of the stuff set out on the table.</p><p>	“You can pick out whatever you want,” Suga said, gesturing to all of the jewelry and watches. “I thought gold would probably match best. Plus, it will bring out your eyes.”</p><p>	After much deliberation, Tadashi settled on a thin gold chain and a couple of golden rings, which he thought might be good to fiddle with if he got anxious and needed something to do with his hands.</p><p>	“You look great, Yamaguchi,” Daichi said, standing just next to the doorway. Suga walked up to join his partner.</p><p>	“He’s going to want to date you for real,” Suga added.</p><p>	Tadashi left the two arguing and elbowing each other again, shutting the front door, which didn’t quite drown out all the noise.</p><p> </p><p>	As Tadashi approached the cafe, he started to worry that he might have overdone it with the outfit. The chain around his neck was chafing, and the rings made his hands feel heavy, and he worried that Tsukishima would think he looked stupid. The walk was just long enough for him to genuinely consider turning back around.</p><p>	The cafe door was propped open, and inside, Tadashi could see Tsukishima waiting politely off to the side. If there was one thing Tadashi could rely on, it was that his friend would always be earlier than him. His punctuality might have been annoying to other people, but Tadashi found it safe and comfortable. A routine that offered some structure and a feeling of protection. Wherever he went, Tsukishima would be there. </p><p>	“Um. . . hi,” Tadashi said, his voice sounding too loud in his own skull. The people in the cafe were talking at a pretty reasonable volume, but he was feeling like everything he did was wrong. Tsukishima looked over at him.</p><p>	“You look nice,” Tsukishima noted, and Tadashi swore he felt his heart stop beating in his chest. Well, that was compliment number two. “I like your rings.” Tadashi couldn’t tell if this was all a part of the act for the fake relationship thing, but his brain couldn’t tell the difference, and he found that his pulse was racing. The compliments were definitely odd coming from his best friend, who was so often blase about everything.</p><p>	“Thanks, Tsukki,” Tadashi said, smiling. “I like your sweatshirt.” It was the truth.</p><p>	“You don’t have to compliment me just because I did you,” Tsukishima responded, stepping into the line, and that was such an incorrect interpretation of the situation but Tadashi didn’t have time to say that before his friend was ordering at the counter. “Black coffee, please. And a blueberry muffin.” Tsukishima looked back at Tadashi expectantly. It took Tadashi a moment to realize that he was expected to order.</p><p>	“Uh. . hot chocolate. And. . a, uh. . chocolate chip muffin, I guess,” Tadashi spoke to the woman at the counter, who smiled pleasantly before punching in the order. He reached for his wallet, but before he could pull any money out, Tsukishima was handing the barista his card. She swiped it and handed it back to him, and before Tadashi knew it, they were sitting down at a table near the back of the cafe.</p><p>	The soft light from the sun outside was filtering in through the window, and Tadashi wished they could be sitting over near it so that he could have something to distract himself with, but when they sat down, all that he had to look at was Tsukishima and the little packets of sugar on the table.</p><p>	“You’re going to have to be able to take compliments, you know,” Tsukishima stated plainly, folding his hands and resting them on the table. His eyes were trained on Tadashi, who felt like the gaze was burning a hole into him. Ah. So the compliments were just part of the act. While that did make it less complicated, Tadashi found a small part of him wishing they had been real. He silenced that part of himself by digging his nails into his palm. </p><p>	“I know, I know,” Tadashi said, nearly scolding himself. “It’s just weird, I guess. You never compliment me, so why would you do it in our fake relationship?”</p><p>	At that, Tsukishima sighed.</p><p>	“You can’t say that it’s fake while we’re in front of Terushima,” Tsukishima said, “so you should practice starting now. We’re dating. You’re my boyfriend, and I’m yours.”</p><p>	“Ah, okay,” Tadashi said, grabbing a sugar packet from the container and shaking it, just so his hands had something to do. He passed it back and forth between his hands. “You’re my boyfriend.”</p><p>	Now Tadashi had a lot of feelings all the time. He knew this about himself. What he also knew was that a lot of the time, he had trouble placing his feelings, and especially he had trouble with verbalizing descriptions of them. A strong feeling welled up in his chest when he looked at his best friend and called him his boyfriend, but he couldn’t immediately place it.</p><p>	Tadashi chalked it up to anxiety, which is what he did with most of his feelings.</p><p>	“Good,” Tsukishima responded, his voice as even as ever. The barista came over and delivered their orders, bouncing away quickly to address the surge of customers that had just arrived. Tadashi took a sip of his hot chocolate, but it was too hot, and he burnt his tongue, letting out a small yelp.</p><p>	“I knew you would do that,” Tsukishima said, smirking as he picked up his mug and gave his coffee a good blow before setting it back down. “You always get too eager for your hot chocolate.”</p><p>	“Hey!” Tadashi exclaimed, putting his hand over his heart to feign offense. “Is it my fault if I don’t want to wait to taste heaven?” This was good. This felt more like their usual dynamic. Even with the fake label of “boyfriend,” Tadashi felt himself relaxing.</p><p>	“I think, objectively, yes, it is your fault,” Tsukishima mused, breaking off a piece of his muffin and placing it in his mouth. “Anyways, that stuff is too sweet.”</p><p>	Tadashi smiled, taking a big bite of his muffin. This was good. He felt good. </p><p>	“It is not too sweet,” Tadashi replied, talking through a mouthful of food. “And sweet things are good, anyways!” He felt himself get a little bolder. “Just like you, fake boyfriend. You’re soooo sweet.”</p><p>	Tsukishima sighed, taking off his glasses and setting them down on the table, reaching up and pinching the bridge of his nose.</p><p>	“Not fake,” the blond said. “Just boyfriend, remember?”</p><p>	Tadashi mumbled an apology. It would probably be easier when they were actually in front of Terushima or Tsukishima’s family.</p><p>	Tsukishima sighed deeply and then picked up his coffee and took a drink, not reacting to the temperature at all. Tadashi briefly noted how cool his friend was, his eyes drifting down to his own hot chocolate, narrowing his eyes at the drink that had caused him pain. He leaned against the table, resting his head in his hand.</p><p>	Their silence this time was slightly less than comfortable, if Tadashi was being honest. There was something kind of heavy hanging in the air, and he found himself wondering if Tsukishima was feeling it too. Tadashi couldn’t stand it. He explored the question of whether this whole fake relationship would change their dynamic forever. A wave of panic washed down his spine. He needed to do something.</p><p>	The only thing that Tadashi could think to do was to pick up Tsukishima’s glasses and place them on his own face, pushing them up the bridge of his nose. They felt heavy and funny.</p><p>	When Tsukishima looked back up from his coffee, his entire face flushed red, the color continuing all the way down to his neck and disappearing into the collar of his shirt. His mouth hung open a little, and then shut, seemingly stopping himself from saying something. Tadashi had never seen his friend so at a loss for words.</p><p>	Tsukishima leaned over the table, snatching his glasses off of Tadashi’s face and shoving them back on his own, at least two of his fingers pressing directly on the lens. He didn’t seem to notice the fingerprints, because the handle of his coffee mug caught on the bottom of his sleeve, sending the mug spiraling to the floor. It shattered and the coffee spilled everywhere, splashing up against Tadashi’s pants.</p><p>	Tsukishima looked over at Tadashi, a look of annoyance on his face.</p><p>	“I. .  I’m sorry, Tsukki,” Tadashi said, stunned. “I thought couples do cute things like that.”</p><p>	“We’re not a real couple, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima said, standing with his arms braced against the table. Tadashi could see the two big fingerprints on his glasses. “Don’t take my glasses again.” His voice was near a growl. Tsukishima took a second to breathe before spinning around and walking over to the barista to get some help cleaning it up. </p><p>	Tadashi tried to take the broom, or the paper towels, or anything, but no one let him do anything, so he just sat in the booth, staring at a stain on the table and trying not to cry. He squeezed his eyes shut, and then opened them, and then squeezed them shut again.</p><p>	“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima’s voice came, and Tadashi opened his eyes and looked up, blinking. “Are you okay?”</p><p>	Tadashi paused. It was an odd question. Was he okay? If this date was any indication of how he was going to be in their fake relationship, it really didn’t bode well for any relationship he would have in the future. He nodded.</p><p>	“Do. . do you want to walk to the train station together?”</p><p>	Tadashi looked down at his muffin, which didn’t look appetizing anymore. He shrugged, feeling like any more time spent on this disaster of a “date” would be imposing on his friend.</p><p>	“I’ll walk by myself. You live the other way, anyway,” Tadashi said, and he paused briefly, considering a more formal goodbye, but after a moment, he disappeared out of the cafe and down the street, wiping at his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Kei collapsed back into his seat at the booth, which was now decidedly coffee-free. The barista had offered him a refill on his coffee for no charge, but he declined, opting to just sit and finish his muffin instead.</p><p>Arms stretching, Kei reached over to the other side of the table and grabbed Yamaguchi’s mug, pulling it over to himself. It even looked sweet, he noticed. He took a sip of it, making a face and setting the mug back down. It was far too sweet, but it reminded him of Yamaguchi.</p><p>Kei’s mind was swirling just as intensely as the storm clouds from the other day. His body’s reaction to seeing Yamaguchi in his glasses had scared him. He knew he had flushed completely red; his face had grown hot. The most frightening thing was the thumping in his chest, though, and the first word that came to mind, disgustingly, was “cute.”</p><p>Cute. Since when did Kei think of his friend as cute? In an objective sense, he supposed he always realized that. Yamaguchi had cute freckles, cute hair, cute mannerisms, and an endearing smile. But Kei had never thought about him that way. At least, not consciously. </p><p>Surely it was just a reaction to pretending to be in a relationship with him. That had to be it. His brain didn’t know the difference. It was a natural reaction to think your partner was cute. Yeah. That was it, for sure.</p><p>Kei sighed and put his head in his hands.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The walk back from the train station was a blur to Tadashi. He vaguely registered seeing the white cat that he had helped the other day, and on any normal occasion he would have stopped to pet it, but this time he just walked right past, ignoring the pleading in the form of meows. </p>
<p>	As soon as he walked through the door, Tadashi was bombarded by Suga, Daichi looking on from the couch.</p>
<p>	“How was it?” Suga asked, bouncing up and down on his heels. He wore a big grin, and arms were swinging back and forth, like he just couldn’t contain his excitement for the situation and he had to express it physically. Tadashi shrugged, pushing past Suga to go and sit by Daichi on the couch. He looked down at his jeans, seeing the little specks of brown around the cuffs.</p>
<p>	“It was okay, I think,” Tadashi said, his voice weak. His eyes drifted up to the tv, where it looked like his roommates had been watching some sort of documentary on bees. Oh, great. As if he wasn’t already in danger of crying.</p>
<p>	“Did he like your outfit?” Daichi inquired, reaching over to grab the remote, pausing the documentary. Tadashi nodded, and then he shrugged again.</p>
<p>	“I’m not sure, actually,” Tadashi said, leaning his head back onto the back of the couch and crossing his arms over himself, almost trying to shield his body from the bad feelings. “When I first got there, he complimented me. He said ‘you look nice.’ And I got all flustered, you know?”</p>
<p>	Daichi and Suga nodded, Suga sitting himself down on the arm of the couch next to them. They could usually all snuggle up on it pretty comfortably, but Tadashi knew that Suga was aware of his limits when he was in this kind of condition, and he was appreciative of the breathing room.</p>
<p>	“But then later on, when we were sitting down at the table, he got all grumpy, and he said ‘you have to learn how to take compliments.’” The recitation of the line was accompanied by a lowering of Tadashi’s voice in a mediocre impression of his friend. “Like, so we can make it believable. So I don’t know if he was being serious or not.”	</p>
<p>	A small silence fell over them as Tadashi’s roommates considered his words.</p>
<p>	“Do you want some tea?” Suga asked, looking down with a concerned expression. Tadashi nodded, straightening out his neck.</p>
<p>	“But I guess it’s like. . . why do I even care, right? He’s just my friend, and he’s just pretending to be my boyfriend so we can both solve issues,” Tadashi leaned his head back again, making his words sound strained. It was such an odd situation, and Tadashi found himself wishing he had never gone out to the bar that night, because he never would have met Terushima, and then he never would have had to make this weird arrangement with Tsukishima.</p>
<p>	There was a pause, and then Daichi said, “Right.”</p>
<p>	There was some noise from the kitchen indicating that Suga was getting out mugs for all of them.</p>
<p>	“I guess it’s just nice to be complimented every once in a while, you know?” Tadashi stated, only realizing that he wanted that as he said it out loud.</p>
<p>	“I thought you looked very nice,” Suga called from the kitchen, and Tadashi pondered that for a moment.</p>
<p>	“It feels different when it comes from Tsukishima.”</p>
<p>	There was the sound of the kettle clanging down onto the stove and then Suga appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. Suga looked at Daichi, and the both of them looked at Tadashi, who was starting to feel a little on edge. Yeah, their psychic communication was endearing and all that, but Tadashi also felt like he was missing something, and he really, really didn’t like that.</p>
<p>	“So how did the rest of the date go?” Suga asked, looking over his shoulder, presumably to check the state of the kettle. </p>
<p>	That felt like a pretty loaded question, and one Tadashi wasn’t sure he had the answer to. There was one thing he knew, though.</p>
<p>	“It wasn’t a real date, Sugawara-san. Don’t call it that.” Tadashi was surprised by the level of bite behind his words. “It didn’t go so well,” he admitted, tapping his fingers on his thighs, not with any discernible rhythm. One of his hands involuntarily came up to his face, lightly running over the scratches there. Daichi reached out ever so slowly, grabbing onto his hand and holding onto it tightly, resting their hands on the couch cushion. </p>
<p>	“What happened?” Daichi asked, and the kettle started whining from the kitchen, so Suga reluctantly turned around and went to make tea, wearing an expression that said something like “wow you’re so sad, I pity you so much.” Or, at least that’s how Tadashi took it. Tadashi waited until Suga was back in the room, handing off a mug of tea to each person. Daichi released his hand.</p>
<p>	“I don’t know,” Tadashi said, wrapping both hands around the mug, ignoring the slight burning on his skin through the ceramic. “He was just kind of. . . grumpy. Like, he kept being all like, ‘you need to be serious,’ and ‘you need to stop saying fake boyfriend or else no one will ever believe it.’”</p>
<p>	Tadashi sighed, taking a sip from the mug in his hands. He vaguely noted that it was green tea, and realized that he had told Suga that that was his favorite maybe a couple of times. The tea was hot on his tongue, which was still a bit numb from the burn of the hot chocolate earlier.</p>
<p>	“I guess I just don’t know what a relationship is supposed to feel like, so I don’t know how to act.”</p>
<p>	“Well,” Suga sat down at the kitchen table, swallowing a drink of tea. “Do you want to know how it feels?”</p>
<p>	Tadashi paused before nodding, “Maybe that would help.”</p>
<p>	It was like the air was suddenly spun with sugar with how god damn sweet the look Daichi and Suga shared was. </p>
<p>	“It’s like,” Suga said, smiling and fiddling with his mug, “it’s like you get this weird feeling in your chest. It’s kind of tight and uncomfortable but wonderful at the same time and you never want to stop feeling it.”</p>
<p>	Suga walked over to Daichi, sitting on the arm of the couch by him and wrapping an arm around him. It was odd to Tadashi, people who could just touch each other so casually and so easily. He wondered how they could do that without panicking, knowing that there was an expectation of something more than friendship there.</p>
<p>	“Yeah,” Daichi agreed, leaning his head into Suga’s chest for a moment, “and you never want to stop being around them. Like, you could see yourself spending forever with them.”<br/>	Tadashi’s brows furrowed. Wasn’t that how everyone felt about their best friends?</p>
<p>	“And just about everything you see reminds you of them,” Suga said, leaning over to press a firm kiss to the top of Daichi’s head. “Like, I see a rock on the ground, and I think, oh, that’s brown, like Daichi’s eyes.” That earned Suga a poke in the ribs.</p>
<p>	“You sap,” Daichi said fondly, shaking his head and drinking some of his tea. </p>
<p>	“But it’s also like you want to tell them everything about your day. The good and the bad,” Suga said, and his voice was a little bit more serious. </p>
<p>	Tadashi paused, taking inventory of his feelings. He really, really tried not to think about the fact that all of those things were how he felt about Tsukishima. Of course he wanted them to spend their lives together, but that didn’t mean he was in love, right? Like, he wanted them to move in together someday, and sure, he could picture them raising a dog and a cat together, but that wasn’t really a definitive indicator. </p>
<p>	“Are you guys sure that’s love?” Tadashi asked before he could stop himself. The more he thought about it, the more he started to relate to all of the feelings they had described. He thought about one time where he saw a tree that was kind of skinny and tall and had a bushel of leaves at the top, and he thought, wow, that kind of looks like Tsukki. He tried not to think about the fact that whenever anything happened to him, all he wanted to do was tell Tsukishima.</p>
<p>	“That’s how I knew I was in love with Daichi,” Suga said, and Tadashi thought that he might throw up. He leaned forward, pressing his fingers to his temples, his eyes blown out wide. This was something he was definitely not prepared for. </p>
<p>	“But it’s different for everyone,” Daichi said, leaning forward to match Tadashi’s posture. Tadashi heard the sound of the mug being set down on the side table, and then felt a sturdy arm around him.</p>
<p>	Ah, there it was. Tadashi’s relief. The thing for him to cling to, like a log floating down a river on its way to a god damn waterfall. He wrapped his arms around that reprieve and he never intended to let go.</p>
<p>	“Yeah, you don’t have to act exactly like you’re feeling all of those things,” Suga said, and Tadashi felt another arm wrap around him, and he realized they had misinterpreted his breakdown, which was probably for the best, anyway. Tadashi’s head was spinning, and he felt bile rising up in his throat.</p>
<p>	“I think. . I think I’m gonna. . .”</p>
<p>	Tadashi didn’t even have to finish his sentence before Suga was there with a trash can to catch whatever his body was deciding to eject.</p>
<p>----</p>
<p>	“Are you listening, Tsukishima?”</p>
<p>	Kei let out a noise of surprise before turning to the source of the voice, which just so happened to be his supervisor, Takeda, who was wearing a stern look. The guy was usually quite mild-mannered, but Kei could tell he had done something wrong.</p>
<p>	“Of course I’m listening,” Kei responded, but he definitely hadn’t been, so he hoped Takeda wouldn’t press any further.</p>
<p>	“Could you tell me what I asked you to do, then?” Takeda asked, folding his arms over his chest proudly, probably because he knew he had caught Kei. </p>
<p>	Kei’s mind had been racing for the few days since he and Yamaguchi had gone on their “date.” He kept making it a point to put quotation marks around the word each time he said it in his head. It was the only way he could keep himself sane.</p>
<p>	Yamaguchi had sent him significantly fewer text messages since the date, and it was weird. It was certainly a change to his daily routine, which generally involved his phone buzzing in his pocket at least a few times an hour with photos of cute animals or links to songs or just random thoughts. </p>
<p>	Kei wasn’t sure he liked the silence.</p>
<p>	“I cannot,” Kei said, folding his arms in response and taking a step closer to his supervisor to remind him just how much taller he was, even being quite a few years younger. “So why don’t you just say it again so we can both get back to doing our jobs?”</p>
<p>	Takeda swallowed hard at this, blindly reaching over to the desk, his hand fumbling over it until he landed on a clipboard. The force of his fumbling knocked the clipboard to the ground, and Kei smirked. Takeda popped back up and held out the clipboard, his hands trembling just a little bit.</p>
<p>	“Could you please go do the checklist for the rainforest room? The openers missed it this morning and I’ll get in trouble if it’s not done,” Takeda said, holding the clipboard out even further. Kei rolled his eyes a little, but it was only for show. He really didn’t mind doing the checklists. It got him out of being at the front desk, and he found that if he looked like he was doing something, people were a lot less likely to come up and ask questions. Guests could be so. . . annoying, for lack of a better word.</p>
<p>	Clipboard in hand, Kei retreated to the rainforest room, taking his sweet time while he walked across the museum. He was getting paid for being there anyway, so walking slowly seemed like the best option. Plus, it was a surprisingly great place to block out all of his thoughts in favor of listening to conversations and the soft bustling of the museum.</p>
<p>	When Kei heard artificial chirping and ribbits, he knew his short break was over.</p>
<p>	It was mindless work, really. He had gone through the opening checklists countless times. They weren’t difficult, just tedious. The first item on his list was to make sure that the audio track in the room was working correctly. </p>
<p>	Kei paused and listened, identifying the different parts of the audio track. He had already heard the chirping and ribbits, so he checked those off. Ah, there were the cicadas. What a lovely sound indeed. Next was the howler monkeys, and the rattlesnakes, and. . </p>
<p>	“Excuse me, could you point me to the bathroom?”</p>
<p>	Kei didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was.</p>
<p>	“Kuroo, is it not enough that we live together?” Kei turned around and narrowed his eyes at his messy-haired roommate. “You have to invade my work life, too?”</p>
<p>	Kuroo smiled one of his signature smiles, throwing his arms up in the air like he was presenting himself to the world.</p>
<p>	“This is my sanctuary, you know,” Kei tapped the clipboard idly, holding it at his sides. “See these snakes?” He pointed up to one of the animatronic snakes hanging from the trees, its tail swinging lazily, powered by a probably outdated mechanism. “They’re my only roommates while I’m here.”</p>
<p>	“I’m not here to see you,” Kuroo said, hands on his hips. “I’m actually here on a date.”</p>
<p>	“You didn’t want to dress up for it?” Kei responded, scoffing. Kuroo was dressed in his usual athletic wear, a style that the man himself liked to call, “Kuroo-core.” It usually consisted of a t-shirt with a sports logo or other graphic, and either joggers or a pair of old jeans, of course all topped off with the effortless look of unstyled hair.</p>
<p>	“Didn’t need to,” Kuroo said, and his face lit up in a very un-Kuroo like way. Kei turned around to see Kozume Kenma, Kuroo’s lifelong friend, walking towards them. The short man handed a pamphlet to Kuroo.</p>
<p>	“I found the maps,” Kenma said, his voice small and simple. Kei tried not to let his mouth hang open.</p>
<p>	“When did this happen?” Kei asked, the clipboard slipping out of his fingers and onto the floor. Before he could even react, Kuroo was shoving the thing back into his hands.</p>
<p>	“I don’t even know, man,” Kuroo admitted, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “It was just this crazy thing. You hang out with a guy nearly every day for like 50 years, and then suddenly you realize all those feelings you were having were actually romantic.”</p>
<p>	Kenma pulled out his phone, a blush spreading over his cheeks.</p>
<p>	“I think I should have realized a lot sooner,” Kuroo said, and Kei was finding himself speechless. He was completely blanking on an insult for Kuroo, which was absolutely, positively never the case. Kuroo reached over and fake-punched Kei, exclaiming, “Hey! It’s like that trope we were talking about! Childhood friends to lovers? I’m kind of living that right now.”</p>
<p>	“Kuro,” Kenma whined, putting a hand over his face. “Stop saying things like that. It’s embarrassing.”</p>
<p>	“Please, Kuroo,” Kei added, starting to get flustered himself. He really preferred not to think about it long enough to apply it to his current situation. “I’m really not above getting you kicked out. I know all the rules here. I’m sure I can find something.”</p>
<p>	“Alright, alright,” Kuroo waved his hand dismissively. “I’ll stop. But only while we’re in the museum.” He turned to Kenma, who was tapping away on his phone, trying to absorb himself in a game. It was kind of impossible to ignore Kuroo, though; he sat his head right down on top of Kenma’s, almost encasing the smaller man’s body with his own. “When we get back to my place, you aren’t safe.”</p>
<p>	Kenma’s face turned a deep shade of red and his phone was abandoned in favor of trying to wrench his way out of Kuroo’s grasp. It took a minute, some struggling, and a few well-placed licks on Kuroo’s arm, and Kenma was freed.</p>
<p>	Was this some sick sign? It was almost disgusting watching the two like this, but the thing that disgusted him the most was that they weren’t even acting different than they did before. All of this. . . touching. Dumb banter. Blushing. It was all the same. </p>
<p>	“I think you mean our place, Kuroo. So please try and be respectful,” Kei said, trying so, so very hard not to think about this god damn “childhood friends to lovers” thing. It was just a dumb seed that Kuroo had planted in his head. It definitely didn’t apply to him and Yamaguchi. </p>
<p>	Kei had spent a lot of time convincing himself of that over the past few days. </p>
<p>	“Hey, man, you’ve got a date tonight with your boyfriend,” Kuroo said, throwing an arm around Kenma, who seemed not to be bothered by this particular display of affection. “So we’ve got the place all to ourselves. Don’t worry, we’ll clean up.”</p>
<p>	Kenma groaned at this, once again covering his face with his hands.</p>
<p>	“I. . he’s not. .” Kei sputtered, “he’s not my boyfriend and you know that.” It was uncharacteristic of him to be so flustered, but he was starting to think about his upcoming date with Yamaguchi, and it didn’t have the quotation marks around it in his head, and that was frightening.</p>
<p>	“Will you just leave? I need to finish my checklist,” Kei said, his voice more even-toned than it had been before. </p>
<p>	“Alright, we’ll go,” Kuroo said, throwing his hands up as if to profess his innocence. “Just keep the trope in mind, man. Trust the trope. Trust your feelings.” The last part was said with quite the dramatic tone, and Kenma rolled his eyes, grabbing Kuroo’s wrist and dragging him off.</p>
<p>	Trust his feelings? It was much easier for Kei to trust facts. The facts were that he and Yamaguchi had been friends their entire lives. Nothing had changed it thus far, and nothing was going to change it.</p>
<p>	And that was that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This front door had never seemed so tall to Tadashi before. Since the last time he had been there, it seemed to have grown twenty feet tall, and was now sporting a mouth with big, scary teeth that were sure to gobble him up if he knocked, or even took a step too close. </p><p>	Tadashi knew he was overthinking this. He was sure of it. It was just another visit to the Tsukishima household. Beyond the doors were Tsukki, Akiteru, and his mother, three people he had seen a billion times. A billion was an exaggeration, and he knew that, but it made him feel better. </p><p>	With all of the courage he could muster, Tadashi reached his hand up and knocked on the door. And. . . oh, God. No one was waiting to answer the door. Should he just leave? Yeah. He should definitely turn around and just walk away, not stopping until he reaches the train station. Or better yet, he should just pick a direction and walk until he dies of starvation.</p><p>	Fortunately, none of that had to happen, because the door opened, and Tsukki’s mom was standing there, and the smell of the Tsukishima household was so familiar and warm and inviting that Tadashi couldn’t help but step through the door.</p><p>	“Yamaguchi!” Tsukki’s mom greeted him enthusiastically, even going so far as to offer him a hug. Tadashi hugged back, holding his hand out and balancing the container of fancy pastries Daichi and Suga had sent him with. They very nearly fell when she let go, allowing Tadashi to reach his other arm out and catch the container. He smiled.</p><p>	“Hello,” Tadashi said, slipping off his shoes and bending down to arrange them neatly. He stood up straight again, looking over at Tsukki’s mom, who was wearing one of the biggest grins he had ever seen. He held up the pastries, feeling some of his anxiety melt away. This was good. Familiar. He could do familiar. “I brought dessert.”</p><p>	“Oh, honey,” Tsukki’s mom took the container from his hands. “You didn’t have to bring anything! You being here is enough.” For a second, it looked like she might tear up or try to hug him again or something, but she didn’t, and Tadashi was grateful for that. She opened the container and breathed in the scents. Honestly, Tadashi wasn’t sure exactly what was inside. He remembered walking in on Suga and Daichi with powdered sugar and chocolate on their faces, but he had turned right around and gone back into his room.</p><p>	“These smell great, dear,” Tsukki’s mom said, “come on in.” She waved him in and Tadashi walked through the familiar living room. He could do this.</p><p>	The kitchen bore a familiar scene as well: Tsukishima and Akiteru. They were huddled over the counter and the stove, each working on something related to the meal, but when Tadashi walked in, all motion ceased and two pairs of eyes trained on him.	</p><p>	“Yamaguchi-kun!” Akiteru set down his cooking utensil, abandoning what looked like some sort of meat cooking on the stove, and he walked over, throwing his arms around Tadashi, who returned the hug, albeit a little sheepishly. Akiteru let go. The man was just about beaming.</p><p>	“I’d missed seeing you in our house,” Akiteru said, and Tadashi could just sense Tsukishima’s eye roll even though they couldn’t see each other. </p><p>	“Can you stop suffocating him, please?” Tsukishima said, cutting the heat on the stove and moving the meat off of the dwindling flame. “If you keep doing that he’s never going to want to come back.”</p><p>	Tadashi’s heart jumped a little at that. Tsukishima wanted him to come back? He wondered for a moment in what capacity that meant.</p><p>	“Okay, okay. I’ll go set the table,” Tsukki’s mom said, and with that, she flitted off to the dining room next door, Akiteru following close behind, leaving the two boys alone in the kitchen, which was silent now save the sizzling of the pan. </p><p>	Tadashi leaned against the counter, wondering if he should help or not. He had never really helped cook at the Tsukishima household before, but he thought there might have been a different expectation when it was a date instead of just hanging out.</p><p>	“Um. .  do you need help, Tsukki?” Tadashi asked, scooting just a bit closer. Tsukishima wiped his hands on a towel before throwing it over his shoulder, using the utensil to shake some veggies around in a pan. </p><p>	“Sure,” Tsukishima said, handing off the utensil before grabbing the pan of meat and bringing it over to the other side of the counter, pouring it into a serving dish. Tadashi wasn’t sure exactly what he was supposed to do, so he settled for just moving the vegetables around a  little. One of the stalks of green jumped out onto the counter when he got a little too over-excited, so he picked it up and put it back in the pan, his hand shaking.</p><p>	“My mom was excited for you to come over,” Tsukishima said, opening up the rice cooker. Steam poured into the room, dissipating as soon as it had arrived. “When I got here she was still cleaning, and Akiteru said she had been cleaning all day.”</p><p>	Tadashi snickered.</p><p>	“She never cleaned when I used to come over in high school,” Tadashi noted, watching the vegetables start to char in the pan. Not wanting to burn them, he cut the heat and moved out of the way as Tsukishima grabbed the handle, the towel still sitting on his shoulder. Tadashi vaguely thought that this felt comfortable, and like he wouldn’t mind cooking so much if he could do it with Tsukishima.</p><p>	“Well, we weren’t dating in high school,” Tsukishima said, and it sounded so oddly natural coming out of his mouth that it made Tadashi pause. Had he meant it to be serious? Was he just pretending again, even though his family couldn’t hear them? Was Tadashi overthinking it? He only knew the answer to the last one, which was unequivocally “yes.”</p><p>	“Yeah, you’re right.”</p><p>	Tsukishima had now dumped all of the food into serving bowls. It all looked pretty good to Tadashi, who was so used to cheap university meals when Daichi wasn’t cooking.</p><p>	“And, uh. . .” Tsukishima turned to Tadashi, the faintest trace of blush dusting his cheeks. “It is nice to see you here again. Reminds me of high school. It’s. . comfortable.” The emotion in his voice didn’t change, but Tadashi knew things like that were hard for his friend to say, and there was a particular softness to his words. He knew if he said too much in response, Tsukishima would be less likely to be so honest in the future, but another part of him wanted to hug his friend and never let go.</p><p>	As usual, Tadashi listened to the part of him that made him stay still, awkwardly silent.</p><p>	“Will you help me carry this to the dining room?”</p><p>	Tadashi nodded, grabbing up the big bowl of rice. It was in one of the nice crystal serving dishes that they had. He had only seen them out on a couple of occasions, one being their high school graduation.</p><p>	“Ooh, look at you boys,” Tsukki’s mom cooed, putting her hands up to her face. “Carrying all that food together.”</p><p>	“What are you even talking about?” Tsukishima said, and the softness to his voice from the kitchen was gone. Tadashi more than appreciated that he was one of the only people who got to see Tsukishima in such a vulnerable way. Most people wouldn’t even recognize it as vulnerable, but Tadashi knew the signs. The subtle blushing. The soft voice. The chaste sentences. He didn’t get to see it much, but this time, his stomach had done flips in his abdomen, and he was trying really hard again to push away his conversation with Daichi and Suga. He was not in love with Tsukki. He was not in love with Tsukki. He was not in love with Tsukki. He was not-</p><p>	“Yamaguchi?”</p><p>	Some voice, he didn’t know which, tore him away from his internal chant, and he leaned over, setting the bowl of rice carefully in the center of the table, right between all of the placemats. It was clear which seat he was meant to take, so he gingerly sat down in it, crossing his legs under the low table.</p><p>	After everyone was sitting, they all mumbled their gratitude for the meal before beginning to fill their plates. Tadashi watched everyone else get food before him, not wanting to take too much or too little. </p><p>	They ate in silence for a few minutes, everyone just appreciating the food. </p><p>	“You know, Yamaguchi,” Tsukki’s mom started, placing her chopsticks down onto the table. “We always knew that you two would end up dating at some point.” Akiteru nodded in agreement, and Tadashi looked down into his lap, his face getting hot. He couldn’t help but smirk a little bit, and his eyes drifted over to look at Tsukishima, who was also smirking a little. They shared a knowing look, both red-faced and smirking.</p><p>	“Yeah?” Tsukishima said, picking his chopsticks up to his face and swallowing a bite of rice. “What makes you say that?”</p><p>	“Oh, dear,” Tsukki’s mom said, giggling and covering her hand with her mouth. “Well, you were always different around him, honey,” she continued, looking at her youngest son thoughtfully. “Smiling more. Talking more. It was always obvious to us how much you cared for him.”</p><p>	“Did you know that in high school, you never covered the back of the head when he served the ball?” Akiteru added, and that made Tadashi flush completely. He looked over at Tsukishima, whose expression revealed the truth in that.</p><p>	“Can we please just eat dinner?” Tsukishima asked, sighing, his hand toying with the band of his headphones, which were, like always, snugly resting around his neck. A lot of people didn’t know this, but he kept his headphones there for the moments he got overwhelmed, offering him a retreat, and Tadashi could tell that it was heading that direction.</p><p>	“Let’s go finish dinner in your room, Tsukki,” Tadashi said, wringing his hands together in one of his usual nervous habits.</p><p>	“Oh-”</p><p>	“You embarrassed them,” Akiteru cut his mother off, laughter creeping into his tone.</p><p>	“I didn’t mean to! If anything, you embarrassed them!”</p><p>	Tadashi didn’t have the heart to say that it was both of them who did the embarrassing. He just stood up, grabbing his bowl and chopsticks, waiting for Tsukishima to do the same before leading the way to his friend’s old bedroom. Tadashi paused for a moment when they stepped over the threshold, the breath leaving his lungs. It looked exactly the same as it did in high school. Tsukishima’s old volleyball jersey was even still hanging on the wall.</p><p>	“Geez,” Tadashi said, sitting on the floor in front of the bed and balancing his bowl of food between his legs. “They were really. . . pushy.” He didn’t want to say something negative about Tsukishima’s family, because they were really very kind, but the whole thing had been kind of overwhelming.</p><p>	“Annoying,” Tsukishima said, sitting down next to Tadashi on the floor. “They were being annoying.”</p><p>	Tadashi looked over at Tsukishima, and they both burst out into laughter. It was a bubbly, melodic thing, their laughter. They just kept looking at each other, the noise erupting out of them, their faces turning red. This continued until both of the boys were gasping for breath, grains of rice spilled on the floor from the bowls of dinner forgotten in their laps.</p><p>	“Sorry, Tsukki,” Tadashi said, hiccuping out a couple more giggles and rubbing tears away from his eyes. “I’ll clean up the rice.”</p><p>	“No,” Tsukishima said, wiping the fog from his glasses. “I’ll do it.” There was a smile to his voice. He stood up and brushed the abandoned rice into his hand. He left the room only for a couple of minutes, and Tadashi didn’t stop smiling the whole time, even when he shoved bites of food into his mouth. This was how they were supposed to be.</p><p>	“Do you want to watch something?” Tsukishima re-entered the room, settling back down into his old spot, but Tadashi swore he sat down a little closer this time. Tadashi felt his whole body tense up, acutely aware of the fabric of Tadashi’s sweater brushing up against his arm. The last time he had felt that with someone, it had sent panic through his entire body. Now. . a sense of excitement pervaded his thoughts.</p><p>	“Yeah,” Tadashi’s voice was small. “Can we watch Jurassic Park?”</p><p>	Tsukishima smiled and nodded, crawling over to his DVD player and finding the right movie before putting it into the player. Tadashi suddenly didn’t feel very hungry anymore, the excitement translating into an odd feeling in his stomach. He stood up, putting the bowl with the remnants of his food onto the side table before settling down onto the bed, one of Tsukishima’s flat pillows behind his back. </p><p>	“Okay,” Tsukishima mumbled, standing and wiping his hands on his pants. He searched for the remote for a second before spotting it, clicking the tv on. He stacked his bowl with Tadashi’s, setting their sets of chopsticks on the table next to the bowls.</p><p>	“Ah, hold on,” Tsukishima said after a glance at Tadashi. The floor creaked as he crossed his room, returning with a big, fluffy pillow from his closet. “I was hoping they hadn’t thrown this out. Here.” He gently put his hand on Tadashi’s shoulder, guiding him forward, and Tadashi was wide-eyed, leaning forward and staring at the title screen for their movie. He didn’t even realize the pillow was behind him until Tsukishima was settling in next to him, close enough for them to both lean on the pillow.</p><p>	Tadashi became very aware of his breathing. He would hold his breath for a while, taking short, shallow breaths when it got to be too much. The movie started to play, and by the time the first dinosaur ate the first victim, Tadashi was lightheaded. Did Tsukishima always smell this strongly of cologne? Was he always so warm? Did they always sit this close when they used to watch movies together in high school?</p><p>	“Are you okay?” Tsukishima asked, looking over at Tadashi, who nodded, releasing all of the air in his lungs at once in a long, shaky breath. Slowly, his breathing regulated. “Is this movie too scary for you?” Tsukishima smirked, looking back at the tv screen, reaching over to grab his comforter. Without another pause, Tsukishima spread the blanket across the both of them.</p><p>	“No, this movie isn’t t-too scary for me,” Tadashi’s voice betrayed him as the blanket started to perpetuate an overwhelming warmth. They had shared a blanket before, and he knew nothing was technically different, but it felt different. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Tadashi didn’t know how much longer he could deny it.</p><p>	“Alright. Then let’s watch it,” Tsukishima reached both hands up and took the headphones off of his neck, placing them gently onto the side table. A small smile played on Tadashi’s lips at this. It might have looked like a simple action to anyone else, with very little meaning behind it, but Tadashi knew that it was monumental. Tsukki was comfortable. There was no reason that he couldn’t be comfortable too.</p><p>	Cautiously, Tadashi slumped down, allowing his shoulder to dip down and rest against Tsukki’s. Tadashi couldn’t remember a time where he had been so unbelievably tense. His body was carved out of stone, his shoulders stiff, his legs unmoving. He didn’t dare take a breath. </p><p>	Tsukki’s head lolled down onto Tadashi’s shoulder.</p><p>	Tadashi let his breath out slowly, shakily, and he really, genuinely could not believe what was happening. They had watched movies together hundreds of times in this same bed. They had shared a blanket, they had sat next to each other, they had burst out into laughter before. But this was new. </p><p>	Tadashi stared at the tv screen, not really watching the movie. Gun to his head, he would not be able to tell someone what had happened so far. His mind had gone completely blank. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to move his shoulder again for fear of Tsukki getting uncomfortable.</p><p>	The movie went on, and Tadashi found himself wondering if Tsukki had fallen asleep. Maybe that was why he had laid his head on his shoulder in the first place. Tadashi tried to look down at Tsukki, but he couldn’t look without moving his head, and he didn’t want to wake his friend up.</p><p>	“You know, they bought the rights to this movie before the book was even published.”</p><p>	Well, Tsukki definitely wasn’t asleep. Okay. Okay. Tadashi could do this. It was just hanging out. Just like usual. </p><p>	“They probably made a good call,” Tadashi laughed nervously, and the thought crossed his mind that all of this might be part of the act. It was probably just in case Tsukki’s mom or brother opened the door. </p><p>	“Damn right they did,” Tsukki said, wiggling his body down so that his head could lay more comfortably. Tadashi felt his friend’s hand by his arm, and after a moment of hesitation, he felt long, slender fingers gently wrap around his arm. </p><p>	The thing was, no matter how hard he thought about it, Tadashi couldn’t remember one time where someone burst in on them without warning. Not once.</p><p>	“Are you comfortable?” Tadashi asked, and he immediately regretted it, because all in one movement, Tsukki moved his hand and sat up, leaning his head against the wall. </p><p>	“Sorry.”</p><p>	Tadashi swore he could see Tsukki turn his body away from him.</p><p>	“No, I. .” Tadashi struggled to find words. “I. .  sorry.”</p><p>	He grabbed the end of the blanket and shoved it over towards Tsukki, finishing the rest of the movie in the surprisingly chilly air of his friend’s childhood bedroom.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>AAAA im having so much fun writing this !! i hope you all are enjoying it!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tadashi hoped he would never have to go back here. It was like the world was closing in on him, the stupid, dim, orange lights not quite bright enough to light up reality. His hands clenched and unclenched, his eyes squeezing shut a few times. At least they had gotten there before the major crowd showed up.</p>
<p>	“This is stupid,” Tadashi said decidedly. “We don’t even know if he’ll be here. Let’s go.”</p>
<p>	“Come on, Yamaguchi,” Tsukki grabbed Tadashi’s sleeve, dragging him over to the bar, which was sparsely occupied. “Didn’t he give you his phone number? Let’s text him.” He held his hand out expectantly, scooting himself onto one of the stools in front of the bar. Tadashi nodded, slipping onto the stool next to him.</p>
<p>	“Yeah,” Tadashi handed his phone over to Tsukki. He had only saved the man’s phone number so he could block him if needed, but now he was wishing he had torn up the little piece of paper he had been given, over and over until it was practically broken down into its base molecules.</p>
<p>	Tsukki’s fingers moved quickly, typing out a message. With his other hand, he waved the bartender over lazily. She was busy with someone else, so she looked over at them and gestured that she would only be a minute.</p>
<p>	“What are you saying?” Tadashi leaned over in his seat, trying to sneak a glance, but Tsukki just hit once more on the screen and then set the phone down on the bar, sliding it back over to its owner.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>To: Terushima (21:22)<b></b></b><br/>
<b>This is the guy with the freckles. At the bar. Hope to see you there.</b></p>
<p>	“Tsukki, that’s not how i text,” Tadashi sighed, but his complaint fell on deaf ears because the bartender had made her way over to them. Tsukki gestured at her, and Tadashi pulled out his wallet, not even looking at how much he was pulling out.</p>
<p>	“I want shots of your cheapest stuff, however much this will get me,” Tadashi clutched the bills so hard that they started to crinkle, “and a Long Island Iced Tea.” He ignored the raised eyebrows, instead opting for slamming the bills down onto the bar. It was a declaration of war. An iron gauntlet. It was the only way he was going to get through that night. He still had more bills in his wallet, so he was more than prepared to make it through in one piece.</p>
<p>	The tray that the bartender slid over to him nearly toppled, but he grabbed it, and stared down at the three shot glasses with a daunting clear liquid. He grabbed the first one and tipped it back, reaching for the next one immediately.</p>
<p>	“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”</p>
<p>	“Hm?” Tadashi responded as he threw back the second shot, which burned significantly on the way down. He looked over at Tsukki, who turned to the bartender and ordered a water. “You don’t think you’re gonna need any alcohol for tonight?”</p>
<p>	“I know how you hold your liquor,” Tsukki said, nodding at the bartender as a thanks as she slid him a glass of water. “You’re going to need someone to take care of you.”</p>
<p>	Tadashi felt like he was drunk already. He had stars in his eyes. “Take care of me,” he repeated softly, picking up his cocktail and disregarding the straw, chugging it down in a few gulps. It didn’t burn nearly as much as the shots, and that’s why it was his drink of choice. </p>
<p>	“Why don’t you slow down, alright?” Tsukki handed Tadashi the water, who took it, and the glass was slippery, so it slipped right out of his hand. The glass spun on its axis, ice and water landing on the bar top before the glass settled down on its bottom. “Take a drink of water. Once you start to feel the liquor we can see if you can handle more.”</p>
<p>	The bartender was busy serving someone at the other end of the bar, so Tsukki leaned over, stretching his arm out, and Tadashi was already feeling a little hazy and so he was having a hard time tearing his eyes away from the little strip of skin that revealed itself at the bottom of Tsukki’s t-shirt. Tsukki had grabbed a towel and was wiping up the water that Tadashi spilled, and Tadashi leaned his elbow on the table, resting his head in his hand and staring.</p>
<p>	Tsukki huffed.</p>
<p>	“You just put your elbow in the water, Yamaguchi,” Tsukki said, but there wasn’t really any bite behind his words. He just gently lifted up Tadashi’s elbow and wiped the moisture out from under it, placing it back where it was when he was done. “Drink water. You want to at least be coherent when that asshole shows up.”</p>
<p>	Almost as if on cue, Tadashi’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out, very nearly dropping the thing when he saw the name on his screen. A full-body shudder wracked its way through him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>From: Terushima (21:29)<br/>
hope thats an invitation for something more, pretty boy (; see u there</b>
</p>
<p>	“Let’s go dance,” Tsukki said, probably realizing the spiral that Tadashi could very easily send himself on. Tadashi looked over to the dance floor, which was bumping with life, a few people having filed in since they arrived. Every single person dancing around looked ten feet tall, their voices echoing like they were bouncing off the walls of a cavern, and Tadashi squeezed his eyes shut, blindly reaching for his final shot and throwing it back.</p>
<p>	Tsukki grabbed Tadashi’s hand, and Tadashi’s eyes snapped open, and the people on the dance floor shrunk back down to size, the booming of their voices softening until it was just a dull buzz.</p>
<p>	The music was something electronic and over-produced, and it was not the type of music that the pair liked to listen to together, but they started to dance together anyway. It was an awkward sight, Tadashi was sure; the two boys were just swaying to the beat, and even their adherence to that was questionable. It was like he wasn’t even listening to the music, he was just swaying, every second making his head a bit more hazy.</p>
<p>	“Better get used to dancing,” Tsukki leaned over and shouted into Tadashi’s ear. “Bokuto and Akaashi are having that party coming up.”</p>
<p>	Tadashi groaned.</p>
<p>	“Yeah, I know.” He stood and pouted for a second, not really having the control to stop himself. He always got drunk fast, even without having so much alcohol in succession, so he was beginning to feel it a lot stronger than usual. “Maybe we should just take dance classes, you know? We can go do salsaaaa, or tangooo, or ballroooom.” Each dance type was accompanied by a clumsy demonstration, Tadashi tripping over his own feet.</p>
<p>	“Or, we could just learn to dance now,” Tsukki said, a smile playing on his lips. He reached out, grabbing each one of Tadashi’s hands and holding them up. A surge of electricity passed through Tadashi’s body as they swayed together, their arms tipping with their movement. </p>
<p>	“I believe this move is called the. . Inexperienced Idiots,” Tsukki said, reaching their arms up above their heads and then bringing them back down, and it was surprisingly very nearly in time with the music. “It’s a hard one to master. Not many people can do it.”</p>
<p>	“Like this?” Tadashi asked, realizing that his face was starting to get sore from how much he was smiling. He imitated what Tsukki had done a moment ago, but then he let go of one hand and spun around, one, two, three times.</p>
<p>	“More like this,” Tsukki placed his hand on the small of Tadashi’s back and clumsily dipped him, and then they were looking into each others’ eyes and were Tsukki’s eyes always so brilliantly glittery?</p>
<p>	They didn’t speak. They didn’t dare. The world was melting into waves around them, and the two boys were anchored to the ground, clutching onto each other so tightly like the other might drift away if they let go.</p>
<p>	A body barrelled into them, breaking the trance.</p>
<p>	Tadashi toppled to the ground, looking up to see a fight breaking out on the floor next to them. His eyes widened, and he tried to get up but his drunken body was filled with molasses, and it felt like he was lost in the waves, pieces of him disappearing and floating off to who knows where. He squeezed his eyes shut, and he kept them shut, being jostled by the movement around him, the shouts as loud as gunshots.</p>
<p>	All at once, the shouts dulled, and Tadashi’s eyes fluttered open to see Tsukki, one hand on either side of his head. He became aware of the weight resting on his head now, and he reached his hands up to discover hard plastic covering either ear. Ah. Tsukki’s headphones. Tadashi never knew just how noise cancelling they really were, but everything was muffled now.</p>
<p>	Tadashi gripped Tsukki’s arm, which was outstretched, and he pulled himself up, clutching as tightly as he could, his fingernails digging into the fabric of Tsukki’s shirt. He couldn’t even begin to describe the relief he felt when his friend’s long arms wrapped around him, a shield to protect Tadashi from the outside world.</p>
<p>	Tadashi felt Tsukki’s jaw move, probably in an attempt to communicate, but no noise penetrated the thick cushions of the headphones. Tsukki probably realized that, so he quickly led them off of the dance floor and to one of the tables in the back. Everyone else in the bar was gathered around the commotion in the middle.</p>
<p>	The world was silent now, the noise having moved further away, and Tadashi just blinked, running his hands over the torn vinyl seating in an attempt to ground himself. Tsukki didn’t make any other attempt to communicate; he just sat, his arms crossed, and his eyes looking anywhere but Tadashi.</p>
<p>	After a few minutes of resting, Tadashi removed the headphones, setting them gingerly down onto the table and sliding them across it.</p>
<p>	“Um. . . thank you,” Tadashi said, his voice meek and unconfident. Tsukki nodded, almost dismissively, and then he reached for the headphones, replacing them around his neck. He looked much more like Tsukki now, and his hands fell back down into his lap.</p>
<p>	“You’re probably going to need more alcohol to make it through the night, hm?” Tsukki’s voice was plain, unwavering. It took only a nod from Tadashi for the blond to stand up, remarking that he would be right back. Tadashi’s eyes were glued to him the whole time, from when he pushed through the crowd watching the fight, to when he stepped up to the bartender, his slender hands gesturing her over, to when he grabbed the tray and held it above his head, lowering it only when he reached the booth. </p>
<p>	“You’re shaking the table.”</p>
<p>	It was then that Tadashi looked down and saw that both of his legs were shaking violently. Surprised he wasn’t causing an actual earthquake, he crossed his ankles, placing a firm hand on top of his legs, willing them to stop fucking shaking. It was always like this, and he thought maybe he shouldn’t have come to the bar, but then out of the corner of his eye he spotted a flash of dark blond hair, and he was no longer thinking.</p>
<p>	Tadashi stood up, throwing back the four shots on the tray.</p>
<p>	“Those were for both of us, Yamagu-”</p>
<p>	An elbow to the ribs stopped Tsukki’s sentence, and Tadashi pointed towards the entrance, where Terushima had just walked in.</p>
<p>	“That’s him,” Tadashi said, his pointing slicing through the air. “What do we do?” His hands ran through his hair, over and over again before he just started to clutch at it, unconsciously pulling from the roots. It was truly a miracle how many of his own nervous habits he was yet to discover, but Terushima just seemed to pull them out.</p>
<p>	“Let’s go dance,” Tsukki grabbed Tadashi’s hand, gently unwinding his fingers from his hair. “We’ll make sure he sees us. Is that okay?”</p>
<p>	It was reluctant, but Tadashi gave something of a nod, and then it was like he blacked out for a moment, then they were on the dance floor again. His entire body was warm, like it was on fire, and his head lolled to each side like it was filled with weights, but he felt inexplicably good. Like he was floating, almost. The dance floor was a sea of clouds, and Tadashi was floating.</p>
<p>	“Come on,” Tsukki shouted, both of his hands pulling Tadashi in by his lower back. He leaned in and whispered into his ear, “Is this okay? I think we’ll have to dance close like this to make it believable.” Tadashi shuddered as Tsukki’s breath ghosted over his neck, causing a searing sensation everywhere it touched.</p>
<p>	“Yeah,” Tadashi’s voice was barely above a whisper, but he wrapped his arms around Tsukki’s neck, pulling him in close. It was maybe the closest they had ever been, at least since they were kids, but Tadashi didn’t remember ever feeling tingles everywhere the last time. His whole body felt like it was made of glitter, shifting and glistening under the pulsing lights. He rested his head against his friend’s chest, tilting so he could still breathe out of his nose.</p>
<p>	“Do you see him?”</p>
<p>	Tsukki’s head shifted.</p>
<p>	“Yeah, I think I see him. He isn’t looking at us.” Tsukki used his leverage to flip Tadashi around, placing his hands on Tadashi’s waist, and dear God, Tadashi thought he had suddenly been thrown into the ocean and was drowning because he absolutely, unequivocally could not breathe, not with Tsukki’s hands travelling up and down his sides. </p>
<p>	“Dance, Yamaguchi.”</p>
<p>	That was all it took. Tadashi threw his hands up behind his head, awkwardly wrapping them around Tsukki’s neck. He must be dreaming, right? Tsukishima Kei would never dance with anyone like this. But Tadashi could feel the sweat sticking his hair to his forehead, and he felt the brush of his back against Tsukki’s chest, and he could feel it when someone stepped on his foot, and more than anything, he could feel the alcohol pooling in his brain. This was real. This was happening.</p>
<p>	“He’s looking,” Tsukki said, and Tadashi spotted him. Terushima was standing by the bar, a beer in his hand, face beet red. “I think it’s working.”</p>
<p>	Tsukki’s head was bent down, brushing against Tadashi’s, and his hands kept getting lower, his movements more deliberate. </p>
<p>	Jesus Christ, it felt so good, and maybe Tadashi was just drunk, but a voice in the back of his mind noted that he liked being this close to Tsukki, and an even smaller voice noted that he could no longer deny it.</p>
<p>	Yamaguchi Tadashi had a crush on his best friend.</p>
<p>	A crush on his best friend, who was currently doing something very near grinding on him. Tadashi didn’t think Tsukki had it in him, but their hips were moving together, pulled flush against each other by Tsukki’s hands. Tadashi vaguely thought that if he hadn’t already had a sexual awakening, this would definitely be it. Without a doubt.</p>
<p>	At that moment, sweaty, having just had a possibly life-changing revelation, Tadashi made eye contact with Terushima, and he smirked, then watched with gross satisfaction as Terushima chugged his beer, angrily slamming the empty bottle onto the bar counter.</p>
<p>	“I think he saw us,” Tadashi said, tilting his head up to make sure Tsukki could hear him.</p>
<p>	“Yeah.”</p>
<p>	“Should we stop dancing?”</p>
<p>	“Do you want to?”</p>
<p>	“No. I don’t.” Maybe it was the alcohol that gave him the courage to say it, but Tadashi had blurted the words out before he could think about it.</p>
<p>	“Then we won’t.”</p>
<p>	And they didn’t. </p>
<p>	No matter how much Tadashi’s head was spinning, he kept moving, practically stuck to his best friend with sweat. He spun around, letting his arms travel a bit too, feeling nearly all of Tsukki’s muscled back. Was Tsukki always that muscular? </p>
<p>	“I think we’ll be alright for Bokuto’s party,” Tadashi shouted, his words slurring just the slightest bit. He laughed, and Tsukki did too, the sound louder than any of the music or other voices.</p>
<p>	“Probably.”</p>
<p>--------</p>
<p>	The bathroom at a bar had always been a liminal space in Tadashi’s mind, but he stood there, leaning against one of the sinks and staring at himself in the mirror, and he suddenly didn’t feel like a person anymore. It wasn’t necessarily a bad feeling, just a weird one; he looked into his own eyes and broke out into giggles.</p>
<p>	It was difficult to find the perfect temperature on the tap, but once he did, Tadashi threw some of the water onto his face, shivering a bit from the cold.</p>
<p>	“Hey, freckles.”</p>
<p>	His body went rigid, and it was disgusting how accustomed he had gotten to that voice. It would play on a loop in his head as he was trying to sleep at night, keeping him awake.</p>
<p>	“You saw me with my boyfriend,” Tadashi said, meaning for it to come out menacing, but he had had far too many shots, so instead he just sounded vulnerable and decidedly wasted. He turned around, crossing his arms, which was the only thing he could think of that could be anything close to a barrier in that moment.</p>
<p>	Terushima bellowed out a laugh, an ugly, evil-sounding thing. </p>
<p>	“What, Skinny back there?” Terushima just couldn’t seem to stop laughing now, and Tadashi was almost certain the noise would come back to haunt his sleep. “I could snap him like a twig. I’m not really worried about him.”</p>
<p>	Terushima took a step forward. Tadashi tried to take a step backwards, but he was met with the solid ceramic of the sink digging into the small of his back. His limbs felt like they weren’t working properly, like they were filled with jelly or something equally as unstable, and it was at that moment that he thought maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to have so much alcohol. His brain couldn’t settle on anything, the words flashing past him, slipping through the walls of his skull and escaping into the tense air of the bathroom.</p>
<p>	“Listen, the offer still stands,” Terushima closed the gap between them, once again using his big, calloused hands to cradle the side of Tadashi’s face. “You’re too beautiful to give up.” Tadashi felt a thumb run over the scratches on his face, now faded into dull scars, just barely visible among his sea of freckles. </p>
<p>	Everything turned into a blur at that point, Tadashi mentally checking out. It was probably a defense mechanism, his brain shutting down so he didn’t have to remember this later.</p>
<p>	Tadashi felt hands on his back, moving lower. He felt his lungs burning, his chest rapidly expanding as he took in short, shallow breaths. He felt the sink digging into his back. He felt. . . nothing. All of the sensations stopped at once, and he opened his eyes to see someone between him and Terushima, shoving him against the wall. It took him a moment to register that it was Tsukki.</p>
<p>	“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Tsukki growled, his voice in a tone Tadashi had never heard from him before. People were quick to underestimate how strong Tsukki was, and the look on Terushima’s face said that he had done exactly that. Tsukki’s hands were worked in Terushima’s shirt, his grip so severe that his knuckles were turning white.</p>
<p>	“I’m trying to give him what you most likely can’t,” Terushima spat, and Tadashi realized he was scratching at his face again, but he couldn’t stop, his nails digging into his skin.</p>
<p>	“He has a boyfriend. Leave him alone.”</p>
<p>	“You don’t scare me, Skinny,” Terushima said, his voice faltering just a bit. “I’m taking him home tonight.” That earned him another shove into the wall, Tsukki’s face only inches from his. “He’s so drunk he’d let me do anything.”	</p>
<p>	Something in Tsukki must have snapped. Tadashi felt like he was watching everything from outside his body, floating at the top of the room. Tsukki let go of Terushima’s shirt, and then his hand reared back, and with what seemed like the full force of his body, Tsukki brought his arm forward, his fist colliding with the side of Terushima’s face.</p>
<p>	It was an odd sound, not quite like it was in the movies, but it shocked Tadashi’s brain so much that he came back to his body, suddenly feeling much more sober than he was a moment ago. Wide-eyed, he looked down at Terushima’s crumpled body on the floor. It looked like he was knocked out, and Tadashi only felt a little guilty for breathing a sigh of relief.</p>
<p>	Tsukki moved so quickly that Tadashi didn’t have time to move before his friend was right in front of him, hands clutching both sides of his face and pulling him in. The force with which their mouths collided was intense, teeth slamming against each other painfully, but neither boy seemed to care. Tadashi’s eyes were open and wide, looking through Tsukki’s glasses at the boy’s eyes, which were shut tightly. The kiss lasted a few seconds, but it felt forever, and when Tsukki pulled away and took a step back, Tadashi took a deep breath, his lungs flooding with air.</p>
<p>	No words were exchanged. They just exited the bathroom, taking care to step over Terushima’s legs, and then they danced for another hour or so, neither mentioning what had happened.</p>
<p>---------</p>
<p>	The cold air was even more sobering. Tadashi was suddenly very aware of how sweaty he was, his damp shirt clinging to his body. </p>
<p>	“Come on,” Tsukki said, extending his arm. “Let’s get you to the train station, okay?”</p>
<p>	Tadashi grabbed on to his friend’s arm, stumbling just a little bit as they started to walk down the sidewalk. He was still tipsy, which was probably why he still felt fairly warm all over. It may also have had something to do with the kiss, which Tadashi couldn’t stop replaying in his mind.</p>
<p>	They walked in silence for a bit, Tsukki’s steps even and measured, and Tadashi waddled along with him, looking down at his feet, because if he didn’t, it would be inevitable that he would trip over something. </p>
<p>	When the two reached the train station, there was something unspoken between them. Tadashi could tell by the way Tsukki was looking at him that his friend wanted to say something about what had happened. But Tadashi also knew that he never would.</p>
<p>	“Why did you kiss me?” The words came out of Tadashi’s mouth without permission, and then they were out there, scattered around on the sidewalk.</p>
<p>	“To make it more convincing for Terushima,” Tsukki’s answer came immediately, and it sounded practiced, like something he had repeated over and over in his head. Tadashi knew that Terushima had been unconscious when they kissed, and he knew that Tsukki knew that too, but he decided it was probably best to leave it at that.</p>
<p>	“I’ll call Suga and have him pick you up, okay?”</p>
<p>	“Okay.”</p>
<p>	Tadashi saw the chances of them ever kissing again disappearing into the night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kei was really trying not to think about what had happened at the bar that night. He was searching his brain for an answer to why on earth he would do that when he hadn’t had a sip of alcohol the entire night. Terushima was being an asshole, and Kei had gotten mad, but the truth of the matter was that the idea of Yamaguchi being with someone else in a physical capacity had sent him into a rage, a blinding anger shooting through his veins.</p>
<p>	It had been easy to chalk his feelings up to a lifetime of friendship before, but now, he could feel the phantom memory of Yamaguchi’s lips on his, and dear God he wanted to feel it again. </p>
<p>	Kei sat on the couch in the living room, taking a sip out of his mug of tea. It had burned his mouth, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about that. Something was playing on the tv. One of Kuroo’s shitty action movies that he liked to watch. Kei didn’t care.</p>
<p>	“Alright, lunch is ready,” Kuroo appeared in the doorway to the kitchen wearing his horribly dumb “Kiss the Cook” apron. Kei hated that thing, but Kenma got it for Kuroo as a joke one year, and the man wore it every time he cooked now. “Hey, man, are you alright? You’re looking at your tea like it banged your mom or something.”</p>
<p>	Kei sighed, placing his mug of tea on the side table.</p>
<p>	“I’m alright. Let’s eat.”</p>
<p>	They sat at the table, eating in silence for a moment. Kei didn’t have the energy to point out Kuroo’s obnoxious chewing this time, like he usually did at meals.</p>
<p>	“Hey, do you have plans today?” Kuroo asked through a mouthful of rice. It was a disgusting sight, but one that Kei was used to.</p>
<p>	“Yamaguchi and I are going to the museum to see the dinosaur exhibit,” Kei responded, responsibly waiting until he had finished chewing before starting his sentence. “It’s leaving soon so we wanted to get in before it did.”</p>
<p>	“One of your dates?” Kuroo asked, raising an eyebrow and then wiggling it dramatically. </p>
<p>	“A fake date, Kuroo,” Kei corrected, tired of having to correct his roommate on such matters. If he would have gotten money for every time Kuroo had referred to Yamaguchi as his boyfriend, Kei would have had enough money to get his own apartment.</p>
<p>	“Ah, right,” Kuroo responded, shoving more food into his mouth. Kei made a face of disgust. “Fake date. Got it. There’s only one thing, Tsukki-dude.”</p>
<p>	“Don’t call me that-”</p>
<p>	“Why are you still goin’ on fake dates if you’ve already solved both of your problems?”</p>
<p>	There was a pause.</p>
<p>	“You had dinner with your family, so they’re off your back,” Kuroo noted, leaning back in his chair. “And you knocked that Terushima guy on his ass, right?”</p>
<p>	Kei nodded, flexing the hand he had used to punch Terushima. His knuckles were bruised and sore, but it was decidedly worth it.</p>
<p>	“So why do you still need to pretend to date? Why not just go back to calling it hanging out?”</p>
<p>	Kei’s hands hovered by his headphones. Sure, it was rude to put on noise-cancelling headphones while talking to someone, but he was getting overwhelmed, and words were failing him. His hands rested on the plastic of the headphones.</p>
<p>	“It is just hanging out,” Kei said, and it came out a little more defensive than he wanted it to. </p>
<p>	“Oh, that’s interesting,” Kuroo said, shoving even more food into his mouth. “So why are you wearing that shirt I told you was a date shirt?”</p>
<p>	Kei looked down, cursing his subconscious for picking this shirt.</p>
<p>	“And why did you just call it a fake date then, hm?”</p>
<p>	“Will you shut up and eat? Your food is going to get cold.”</p>
<p>	“I think I know why,” Kuroo said, placing his chopsticks on the table next to his bowl.</p>
<p>	“You think you know a lot of things.”	</p>
<p>	“You’re in love, Tsukki-dude.”</p>
<p>	The silence that followed went on for far too long for Kei to have any hopes of denying the fact that he was thinking about it, and that he had thought about it before. Love. It was not a word Kei used often. He loved his family. At one point, he loved volleyball. He loved his job. Those were things people were supposed to love. Family. Hobbies. Jobs. People were not supposed to love their childhood best friends.</p>
<p>	“I’m not,” Kei replied, standing up, pushing his chair out from under him and picking up his unfinished bowl of food. He dumped it in the garbage, looking Kuroo right in the eye as he did, as if to say, “this is your fault.” With more force than he meant to, he slammed the bowl down in the sink and then pushed past Kuroo to sit back down on the couch.</p>
<p>	“You’re in love!” This time, Kuroo’s voice was much louder, and he rushed over to the couch, sitting down as close as he could to Kei and wrapping an arm around him. “My boy is growing up!” He placed his free hand over his heart, dramatically sighing. “I can’t believe it. Seemed like just yesterday you were complaining about the temperature in the apartment because it was one degree higher than you set it. Oh. No, I think that one was yesterday.”</p>
<p>	Kei just reached for the remote, turning the volume up as high as it could go, drowning out whatever nonsense Kuroo was spouting off. No matter how loud it was, it failed to drown out the noise in his own head.</p>
<p>	It was like someone had dumped a bucket of ice cold water on him. All of the hairs on Kei’s arm stood on end, and his hands were shaking. These were rather unusual physical manifestations of emotion for him, he noted. Although, what he was feeling was unusual for him as well. </p>
<p>	Tsukishima Kei had a crush. A crush on his best friend. He needed to stomp this out as soon as he could. It was a near certainty that Yamaguchi did not feel the same. No one could feel that way about Kei. He was stubborn, unexpressive, unemotional, intense. But Yamaguchi. . . Yamaguchi made Kei feel like he was normal. Like he could communicate like everyone else.</p>
<p>	“If you want to keep denying it, that’s fine.”</p>
<p>	While Kei had been thinking, Kuroo had slipped the remote from his hand and lowered the volume down to something reasonable again. </p>
<p>	“I’m just saying. You’re different around him. You probably don’t even notice it.”</p>
<p>    “Oh, is that right?” Kei couldn’t help the mocking tone from slipping into his voice. </p>
<p>    “Of course it’s right. You go all soft around him. When you look at him, it’s like you’re looking at the stars.”</p>
<p>    Kei sighed, “Oh, have you become a poet?” He snorted, reaching for the remote again, but Kuroo kept it out of reach, clicking his tongue. “Can we please just watch tv?”</p>
<p>    “Not until you admit you’re in love.”</p>
<p>    “Alright. I’m in love,” Kei said, leaning his whole body over to try and clutch at the remote. His efforts ended up fruitless, because Kuroo just kept leaning back further, his arms outstretched behind him.</p>
<p>    “You gotta say it and mean it.”</p>
<p>    Kei wasn’t having it. He pushed himself up onto his knees, practically climbing over Kuroo’s body, stretching himself out until he could reach the remote. It was around 30 seconds of struggle, Kuroo making dramatic groans the whole time, before Kei emerged victorious, flopping back down onto the couch, hair sticking out and face flushed a little from the exertion, but what mattered was that the remote was in his hand. </p>
<p>    Defiantly, Kei looked Kuroo right in the eyes and held down the volume button on the remote.</p>
<p>---------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>	Kei had lost count how many times he had been to the museum. He worked there. He went there when he needed to relax. It was familiar to him. There was little to no thought required to wander around there; the layout of the museum was etched into his skull. The chirps of the rainforest room could be heard from the lobby, and he could see the entrance to the dinosaur exhibit just past the front desk.</p>
<p>	This time, it felt unfamiliar. Cold. Like it was his first time there.</p>
<p>	Kei stood at the entrance to the museum, shivering every time someone entered through the main door. Fists shoved in his pockets, he didn’t even notice he was rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. Kei decidedly placed his headphones over his ears, blocking out all of the noise. The movement in the museum turned into a silent movie, everyone pantomiming. He saw his supervisor, gesturing wildly at a coworker. He saw a family, kids kicking and screaming on the ground. He saw a couple holding hands, walking towards the exit. They opened the door and Kei shivered.</p>
<p>	Kuroo had gotten into his head. Tsukishima Kei was decidedly not in love. Love was something he couldn’t escape from. It was just a crush. A stupid, schoolboy crush, probably caused by them pretending to date and spend so much time together. He couldn’t be in love. Love would hurt him. </p>
<p>	A chilly breeze entered the museum, and Kei turned to the entrance, and Yamaguchi was wearing a deep green sweater, his bangs held out of his face by colorful barrettes, and when Yamaguchi saw him, he smiled, his smile lighting up the entire room, and all of the air was forced out of Kei’s lungs. Shit. Fuck. </p>
<p>	Tsukishima Kei was in love.</p>
<p>	Hands shaking, Kei took his headphones off of his ears, placing them back around his neck. </p>
<p>	“Hi, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi said, still smiling that goddamn smile. It was the sun, surrounded by freckles, which were the stars. God damn it. Kei was going to get hurt.</p>
<p>	“Did you get our tickets set aside?” Yamaguchi asked, reaching up and undoing one of the clips in his hair, adjusting it so it held more of it out of his face. He looked over at Kei expectantly; there was no way Yamaguchi could have known that a nuclear bomb had just gone off in Kei’s head. Kei was trying to sort through the wreckage, looking behind destroyed buildings and searching for some sort of sentence that would make sense.</p>
<p>	“I did. They should be at the counter.” Kei could hear a different tone in his voice, and he could tell that Yamaguchi heard it too, because his smile faltered and his shoulders fell. Kei’s chest tightened; he hadn’t meant to make Yamaguchi upset. It was just evidence of the reason why Kei absolutely could not be in love. He hurt people. People hurt him, too. It would be too painful for everyone involved.</p>
<p>	“Oh, okay,” Yamaguchi said, fiddling with the ends of his sleeves. “Should we go get them then?”</p>
<p>	Kei nodded, his heart pounding, afraid that if he said anything in response he would make it worse. That seemed to be something he was particularly talented at: making things worse. The two walked towards the front desk, a few feet apart. It was a physical representation of how distant Kei felt to Yamaguchi.</p>
<p>	“Tsukki said you held tickets for us,” Yamaguchi started, and Kei struggled to follow the conversation, but it wasn’t long until the tickets were in his hands. His feet had carried him over to the entrance of the exhibit, and they stepped over the threshold. </p>
<p>	“Wow,” Yamaguchi’s small voice came, and “wow” was right. Kei hadn’t had the opportunity to work in the exhibit at any point, so this was the first time he was seeing it. The exhibit hall was decorated with vines and such, creating a pretty convincing illusion of being somewhere back in prehistoric times.</p>
<p>	“Yeah,” Kei agreed simply, his mind not really anywhere close to his body. He looked to the side at Yamaguchi, who was looking around at the exhibit like it was the most interesting thing in the world, and Kei’s heart started to beat just a little faster. He shuffled to the side a little bit so that they weren’t in so much danger of running into each other. Kei didn’t want Yamaguchi to get the wrong idea. Or, he supposed, the right idea, but either way. He didn’t want Yamguchi to get that idea at all.</p>
<p>	“Which one should we start at?” Yamaguchi asked, his eyes wide, seemingly trying to take in all of his surroundings at once. Kei shrugged, pointing at one of the dinosaurs on the end of the row. They walked over to it, and Kei read the plaque stating that it was a carnotaurus.</p>
<p>	“Ah. An interesting dinosaur indeed,” Kei said, unable to stop himself from talking just a little bit about something that he enjoyed so much. “Look at his tiny arms.” He pointed up at them, knowing that Yamaguchi would get a kick out of them. Yamaguchi did, looking up at the dinosaur and starting to giggle. It was such a melodic noise, one that Kei had heard many times, but it felt different this time. Like it was the only sound he wanted to hear for the rest of his life.</p>
<p>	They moved on to the next dinosaur, and Kei decided that he would not try to point out anything that would elicit a giggle from Yamaguchi anymore. That would just make it a hell of a lot harder to get over his dumb crush on his friend.</p>
<p>	Kei stared up at the red skin of the dinosaur recreation, studying the airbrushed features that gave the model texture and shadows. Whoever had made these models had really done a good job with the details. They looked incredibly lifelike, the realism punctuated by the movement of the things. Of course, the realism was undercut by the sound of air releasing from the joints every time the dinosaur turned its head or opened its jaw.</p>
<p>	Kei was roped away from his thoughts by the feeling of someone staring at him. He turned and was met with Yamaguchi’s big, curious eyes looking right at him. When their eyes met, Yamaguchi jumped.</p>
<p>	“Is there something you need?” Kei’s voice came out harsher than he intended it to. He couldn’t help it. It was his default state, and it always had been. These. . . feelings he was feeling didn’t really fit in to any of the calculated responses he had been using for his entire life. They left him feeling helpless. </p>
<p>	“No! I don’t need anything,” Yamaguchi spoke in a high-pitched voice bordering on a squeak, his sentence carrying an odd cadence. “I mean. . you have an eyelash on your face! That’s all!”</p>
<p>	Kei was so jarred by the proclamation by his friend that he just stood there, watching as Yamaguchi moved close to him, reaching a hand up and picking something off of his face. Kei held his breath as his friend’s fingers made contact with his skin. Electricity surged through him, like his nerves were poking out inches from his skin. Did it always feel like that when they touched?</p>
<p>	“Got it!” Yamaguchi proclaimed proudly, showing his finger to Kei, who didn’t see much of anything on it but he nodded anyway as Yamaguchi wiped his hand off on his pants. </p>
<p>	Trying to put that whole interaction behind them, Kei stepped sideways right to the next dinosaur model, allowing himself to smile just a bit looking at it.</p>
<p>	“This is one of my favorites,” Kei noted, leaning in and narrowing his eyes so he could get a better view. Yamaguchi looked like he was thinking for a moment.</p>
<p>	“It’s a, um. . . mosasaurus?” Yamaguchi asked, twisting his hands together in front of him. He looked positively nervous, his brows furrowed up and his freckles sitting atop blushed skin. This was his usual state around other people, but he usually looked much more calm around Kei. Kei realized this must have been because of something he did. Maybe it was when he laid his shoulder on him during the movie. Or maybe it was when he kissed him. Shit. He needed to get their dynamic back to normal.</p>
<p>	Kei sighed a bit harshly.</p>
<p>	“No. Mosasaurus was a sea dinosaur.” Kei stepped off to the side and gestured silently to the sign, hoping his tone had sounded sufficiently annoyed to quell any rumors, true or otherwise, about his feelings towards his best friend. He looked at the exhibit, which was complete with some grass and a few tiny dinosaurs running away.</p>
<p>	“Ah. Parasaurolophus,” Yamaguchi pronounced every syllable with emphasis. “Because of the head thing.” It sounded like he was scolding himself, gesturing over his head to mimic the signature crest that parasaurs bore. “Sorry, Tsukki.”</p>
<p>	“I guess those compys at his feet don’t know that parasaurs were herbivores,” Kei couldn’t help but let himself be the slightest bit playful about it. He leaned in, studying the model dinosaur. Mostly, he was trying not to let his eyes drift towards Yamaguchi. </p>
<p>	After a few more minutes, he started to walk to the next dinosaur, seeing Yamaguchi follow behind him. Kei paused, turning back over his shoulder.</p>
<p>	“Parasaurs were good in water, though. So you weren’t too far off guessing a sea dinosaur.”</p>
<p>	At that sentence, Kei could see Yamaguchi’s face light back up, his hands stopping their kneading in front of his body, instead coming to rest back at his sides. Hm. Interesting reaction.</p>
<p>	The two walked through the rest of the exhibit, speaking only a couple of sentences at each display. Kei studied Yamaguchi’s reactions to his words, trying to gauge what could have made the boy so anxious earlier, but he couldn’t pinpoint it. The only thing he could think was that Yamaguchi had caught on to how he felt somehow.</p>
<p>	Standing right outside the exit of the museum, hands on his headphones, Kei turned to Yamaguchi.</p>
<p>	“We won’t be going on any more fake dates.”</p>
<p>	With that, Kei placed his headphones over his ears and started walking towards his train station. It was the only solution he could think of. He didn’t want Yamaguchi to feel uncomfortable or awkward around him, but more importantly, he wanted to cut off this dumb little crush before it got out of hand.</p>
<p>	But as he walked away, Kei felt an emptiness in his chest, and it got deeper with every single step.</p>
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